THE WITCHES OF BREASTWICK/ WITCHES OF BREASTWICK 2

THE WITCHES OF BREASTWICK/ WITCHES OF BREASTWICK 2

A single-disc offering, serving up both of Jim Wynorski's shot-on-HD video softcore rip-offs from 2005, written and directed under the pseudonym of H.R. Blueberry.

THE WITCHES OF BREASTWICK begins promisingly enough with three hot blonde babes dancing round naked flames, their exposed breasts standing erect in the orange hues.

Then the soft electronic music becomes more urgent as the peroxide trio move in on the hapless David (Joe Souza). They strip him bare, and cavort up and down his body while slowly removing their own attire. Curiously, David seems a little perturbed by all of this. Relax mate, you're just a lucky bastard ...

But just as David's about to start enjoying himself, one of the babes produces a dagger and thrusts it in his direction. Then ... he wakes, in his psychiatrist's office. Ah, it was only a dream! Albeit, a recurring dream ...

The shrink, Dr Richards (Jay Richardson) reasons that perhaps the dream is a repressed childhood memory, or - even better - evidence that David is keen to cheat on his wife. Richards advises David to "look deep inside" himself to find what it is that's haunting him so - but David has other ideas: he determines to find the forest dwellings from his dreams in a bid to confront them

On a sunny afternoon, David and his wife Tiffany (Monique Parent) take a drive across the deserted American countryside in search of the nightmare landscape. They're easily distracted though - the first cliff-top they stop to survey ends up in an energetic scuttle in the grass.

Seconds after shooting his bolt, however, David recognises a fallen tree just feet away from them. It's the tree from his dreams ...! Spooky. And things get even spookier when the couple try to flee the scene, only for their car to inexplicably break down. "Sure is weird," comments David.

Not as weird as when he and Tiffany walk to the nearest house - a remote building in the middle of the trees - and he discovers that the occupants are three women who look just like the witches from his dream (Julie K Smith, Glori-Anne Gilbert and Stormy Daniels).

Discovering that they're miles from the nearest service station, the couple reluctantly agree to stay for a while with their buxom hostesses. Lola (Smith) in particular seems extremely friendly - until, that is, she spikes Tiffany's drink and starts babbling on about a ghost in the woods that she's presently trying to track down ...

Despite remarking that the three hostesses look just like the women from his dream, David is happy to be given a room for the evening - and even to fuck Tiffany in it.

And then the seductions start. Tiffany is enticed into a lesbian threesome in the hot-tub; David gets his oats with Lola in an unintentionally amusing five minutes of slow-motion; David's later approached in the night by the voluptuous brunette Holly (Taimie Hannum).

What it all means is anyone's guess: the film descends into one tame sex vignette after another, forgoing it's horror-tinged premise in favour of flimsily held-together fuck-fests likely to appeal to thirteen year old schoolboys around the world.

In fairness, the film does return to it's storyline for the final ten minutes, where we find out why David has been singled out for sex and torment by these witches, and the "ghost" LaCaCanya (Antonia Dorian) makes a belated appearance.

Still, this is a lengthy 77 minutes. I appreciate that it was shot on a shoestring budget - I wasn't looking for lavish production values. In efforts like this, the most you can hope for are energy, imagination, wit and perhaps some originality. Okay, there are none of those in evidence here.

So, that leaves WITCHES to work as a sex film. And it fails miserably. Yes, there's some huge (fake) tits and some very slender waistlines to be taken in, but it's hard to find these plastic, surprisingly old, women sexy.

Devoid of humour and lacking in titillation, THE WITCHES OF BREASTWICK is a flat fart of a film. I'm amazed it spawned a sequel.

But, the sequel did indeed get made in the same year, and is presented here "for the first time on DVD!".

I call it a sequel because the filmmakers do, but it's more accurately described as a blatant retread of the first film. Wynorski trying again to get it right, you could say. And, again, failing.

Again, the film opens with David (Frankie Cullen) fantasising about being thrilled then killed by three busty beauties. This time he wakes up in a sweat beside his wife Kate (Hannum), who takes his mind off the nightmares by giving him a good seeing to while hideous dance music blares on the soundtrack.

Kate persuades David to go and see Dr Welby (Demi Delia) about his problems, and ... well, suffice it to say, the storyline doesn't differ a great deal this time around.

With a lightly glossier sheen, BREASTWICK 2 appears to have a marginally higher budget than it's predecessor. The script is just as lame and the acting, if anything, is worse (that's really saying something), but the editing is more ambitious and the direction more assured.

It must be said, the sex scenes are filmed with more zest this time around too. Wynorksi's camera seems to actually be aroused by what it's shooting, while the cast (a different crowd to those that polluted the original) are more attractive, younger and more vibrant.

Okay, the music is annoying as fuck and the horror elements are thrown to the wayside even more this time around, but overall this is a more satisfying - and more sincere - film. That is, it just gets on with what it's meant to be: a nonsensical excuse for bronzed bodies to gyrate against each other in softcore fashion ever four minutes or so.

Look out for Nikki Fritz in a small role as Millicent, and Tylene Buck's show-stealing bazonkas. Cullen though, is perhaps the most engrossing thing on screen - what a ham! He's so bad I'd swear it's intentional, and I spent the entire film wondering whether he had cotton wool wedged into his cheeks.

Both films are presented in clean but relatively soft 1.78:1 anamorphic pictures. Colours are upfront in the mastering, while detail is weak but thankfully no grain or artefacting show up.

The English 2.0 audio is decent for both films, proffering consistent and clear mixes.

The animated main menu page is a very attractive blood-red display, with a nice photo of the three lead hotties stood over a simmering cauldron.

Although there are no scene-selection menus, each film has it's own share of chapters: the first has 13, while it's sequel has 11.

Extras on the disc begin with audio commentaries on each film by Wynorski/Blueberry. He's actually an interesting listen, providing plenty of information into the back-to-back productions (pointing out the same locations used in both films, telling tales on the actors, etc). He sounds tired and there are a few pregnant pauses, but what he does have to say is worthy. Even if the films aren't!

Next up are three separate vaults containing a plethora of trailers. First up, there's the "Preview"vault, which includes trailers for THE BREASTFORD WIVES and THE HOUSE ON HOOTER HILL. "The Secret Key Retro" vault treats us to the pleasures of THE BUSTY STAG COLLECTION, BEYOND THE BUSTY STAGS, GRINDHOUSE TRASH COLLECTION, GRINDHOUSE TRASH COLLECTION 3, NIGHT OF PERVERTED PLEASURES, SKIN IN THE 50S, SKIN IN THE 60S and SWINGIN' IN THE 70S. Finally the "Secret Key" vault unlocks the treasures that are DRACULA'S DIRTY DAUGHTER, FORBIDDEN DESIRES, SENSUAL INCANTATIONS, SEX HEX, SOFTCORE DIVAS: BEHIND THE G-STRINGS, TAYLOR WANE'S EROTIC GAMES and TOPLESS TAPIOCA WRESTLING.

There's also the customary weblink which allows you to order the Alternative Cinema catalogue (or "catalog", if you will) online.

More soft sex from the once-interesting Wynorski, offering glossy but predictable and quickly boring lesbian shenanigans on no budgets. Still, the commentary tracks are good and there's no denying the overall value of this nicely priced package.

Review by Stuart Willis


 
Released by Secret Key
Region 1 - NTSC
Not Rated
Extras :
see main review
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