My Vampire Lover

Another low-budget journey into soft-core porn with mild horror undertones, from those fine folk at Seduction Cinema. Well, they're consistent if nothing else!

After a stylish dry-ice heavy graveyard credits sequence, the film wastes no time whatsoever in bringing on the first steamy (literally - you can see the mist!) lesbian scene. It's a lengthy scene between Monique (Paige Richards) and a lover - almost 7 minutes' worth - set to atmospheric electro music not dissimilar to 90s act Enigma. Remember them?!

As always with Seduction product, this episode involves a lot of sensual flesh caressing, erect nipples and some well placed optical obstacles preventing us from seeing anything too explicit. Having said that, for a 'soft' sex sequence it is long and does include some very enthusiastic, genuine-looking moments of carpet munching.

Monique's lover (Ruby LaRocca) wins the sexiness stakes in this scene, thanks to her pelvic tatoo, lip-ring and knee-length black leather boots. Woah! Shame then, that the scene ends with Monique sinking her fangs into LaRocca - then mourning her death. (It's a shame because it's completely bloodless!)

And so, the first 10 minutes of the film are completely devoid of dialogue. Considering writer/director George Freeway's script that follows, perhaps that's a good thing!!

The story starts for real when we learn from Monique's diary that she is an immortal vampire, searching in vain for a soulmate, for someone to share her eternal life with ... and "someone to lick all night long".

So, Monique moves to a small American town full of women with great tits. A girl after my own heart.

As Monique moves in to her new abode, her neighbour Tracey (Syn DeVil - a pseudonym, perchance?) offers to help. Of course, moments later our vamp heroine has seduced Tracey on the couch. But while Tracey is not averse to getting her big baps out and have their large brown nipples sucked, she does make a lame excuse and flee when Monique goes for the gusset.

In true episodic fashion, the next caller to Monique's home is local political campaigner Megan Ryan (cheeky!), played by Katie Jordon. Predictably, the pair get it on quite quickly. Meanwhile, cable guy Chad (Brooke Chopoli) arrives to install cable at Monique's house. Upon approaching the premises he hears Monique's ecstatic moans and decides to peep through the window. To his delight, he catches the girls in the throes of full-on naked lesbo action - promptly yanking his manhood from his jeans and masturbating against the wall!

Chad's fiddle is cut short when he witnesses Monique's vampiric murder of her lover. He returns to his office and tells his colleagues what he has seen. They, of course, disbeleive and belittle him.

The next lover/victim is Misty Mundae as a young innocent door-to-door fund raiser.

Chad once again visits the house at an opportune time and witnesses the whole lesbo seduction/vampire scene. His view can't have been as good as mine though - the camera gets up close and personal as Richards and Mundae get it on. This is surely the horny highlight of the whole film: Mundae's sex appeal is completely natural, without the aid of silicone or excessive make-up. And totally into simulating sexual pleasure on screen. What a gal!

OK, so the cable guy witnesses the ensuing sex scene; Tracey returns to her neighbour's house intent on being seduced; two detectives link several recent missing persons cases to Monique; Chad vows to slay the vampire ... and the plot starts to lead somewhere!

It's nonsense. But it's Seduction Cinema, and if you're familiar with their fare then you won't be disappointed. It's stylish, low-budget soft-core fodder with attractive torsos and regular intervals of nakedness to boost the light-hearted but lame script.

The film looks good in full-frame, with a sharp clear digital presentation. Sound is mono and does it's job with no discernible problems.

The extras on the disc include not only the trailer for MY VAMPIRE LOVER, but 8 other Seduction titles too (including FEMALE ANIMAL and VAMPIRE VIXEN).

There's an 11 minute Behind The Scenes vignette that looks kinda interesting but unfortunately has no dialogue. Instead, it's set to some dire electro-funk music. As it stands, it's filled with giggling actresses on set, voyeuristic shots of actresses changing costumes in the bathroom and fat guys zooming in with their cameras as the girls get naked.

Finally there's a deleted scene (The Lap Dance) that is essentially another lesbo scene with dry ice and red lighting. It's a generous 5 minutes' worth of todger-dodger fun that you can take or leave.

The DVD comes in a keepcase packaging, and the film has 17 chapters. There's also a weblink to the Seduction site.

Seduction don't release below-average discs of their films, and their effort to provide decent extras should be acknowledged (and is - here!). All their discs provide the viewers of such material with more than what they possibly deserve. Which is a compliment of sorts ... but surely their lesbian soft-core fantasies are in need of a little imagination?!

The worst crime in exploitation film-making is to make your footage boring. I've only seen a handful of Seduction films, but it's fair to say their perception of lesbian titillation goes no further than reasonably attractive women kissing, sucking nipples and occasionally going down on each other. It gets tiresome ... rapidly.

Review by Stuart Willis