THE USCHI DIGARD COLLECTION

2-discs, three films and a host of early loops featuring the wonderful big bappage of the one and only Ms Digard. Retro-Seduction Cinema really know how to spoil us ...

Disc one features two versions of the film PLEASURES OF A WOMAN.

The first version offered is, oddly, the 2002 remake. It’s credited as having been directed by Ted W Crestview.

This finds the genuinely sexy Julian Wells as a widow first seen mourning at the grave of her wealthy husband. She’s spied upon there by the dead guy’s precocious niece, played by Darian Caine.

"Your Uncle was very generous to you in his will, and I’m sure he’d want you to stay here ... with me" suggests Wells when the pair meet. Essentially, nymphomaniac Wells wants to bag the entire wealth of her late husband’s estate for herself ... and is prepared to seduce Caine in order to get her share from her.

But not before she steals a stiletto boot from the sleeping niece and masturbates with it on her settee ...

The PLEASURES remake is attractively shot and acted with a fair degree of flair. This being a modern production, the bodies of the women concerned are obviously very hot and toned. On the downside, the score is repetitive and annoying; a lack of quirkiness robs this version of the sexiness it could and should have had.

But, lesbian sex is lesbian sex. If you’ve ever wanted to see these too hotties of Seduction Cinema get it on, here’s your chance. It’s virtually all that happens during the 36-minute running time.

Much better is the 1973 original, directed by legend-in-his-lunchtime Nick Phillips (CRIMINALLY INSANE; LES CHIC etc).

For a start, it marks our first glimpse of Swedish beauty Digard. She’s most famous, of course, for capturing the imagination of Russ Meyer (she was the huge breasted highlight of several of his films: SUPERVIXENS; BENEATH THE VALLEY OF THE ULTRAVIXENS; CHERRY HARRY AND RAQUEL ...) and can also be found in exploitation classics such as ILSA SHE-WOLF OF THE SS, THE TOY BOX, CAN I DO IT TILL I NEED GLASSES and FANTASM.

The film opens with wry, sexy brunette Lynne (Lynn Harris) narrating. She’s the niece of Brian, who’s recently deceased. She travels reluctantly to San Francisco to attend his funeral, not looking forward to bumping into his slutty third wife Martine (Digard).

Learning that Lynne has been left a substantial amount in Brian’s will, widow Martine offers her a place to stay while she’s in town. She turns on the charm and Lynne seems to be taken in. So much so that, after a somewhat ponderous start, Martine’s seduction seems to occur very easily.

Swinging 60s jazz and some rudimentary but curiously effective camera compositions help this one pan out as an enjoyable, basic softcore film.

It helps that Harris’ narration propels the action: Digard need not concern herself with remembering dialogue in a second language; she simply has to strip down to the bare essentials and get fresh with the niece. And her shoes, of course ...

As sexy as I do find Wells, there’s no denying that Digard and the Bohemian ambience of this original offering blow the remake out of the water. It’s erotic stuff, really. And for those who need to know, there’s plenty of Digard muff and dumplings on display.

The disc opens with a static main menu page. There are no scene-selection menus.

Extras on disc one include a fast-paced 2-minute trailer for the original PLEASURES, which basically shows a montage of women getting their most tender bits stimulated by boots, boobs, fingers – all sorts. It looks okay, but the audio is horrible.

We also get a less interesting trailer for the remake, which also clocks in at 2 minutes in length. Effectively it does the same, but with a slower pace and a less alluring video aesthetic. This is true of the films as a whole too.

42nd Street Pete is on hand to provide a six-minute interview in which he extols the virtue of the original PLEASURES and, of course, its well-endowed heroine.

Next up are trailers for other Retro-Seduction titles: ROXANNE, LUSTFUL ADDICTION, FEMALE ANIMAL, INGA and THE SEDUCTION OF INGA.

Finally we get a few spoof trailers. Real trailers, that is, but for spoof films: PLAY-MATE OF THE APES, WITCHBABE: EROTIC WITCH 2, MISTY MUNDAE MUMMY RAIDER and GLADIATOR EROTICUS. Bollocks, one and all.

Over on disc two, we’re treated to another Digard vehicle.

This time it’s FANCY LADY, from 1971. Again, it’s a Phillips film (working under his Nick Millard pseudonym).

In it, Digard plays Karin, a Swedish reporter who narrates as she is sent to San Francisco on a mission to investigate sexual liberation in that city. Cue a montage of billboards for storefront theatres of the time.

This is very poor, offering tame softcore sex vignettes while Digard persists in her narration throughout. Other than narrating, she’s barely involved for the bulk of the running time. But, do stay tuned in if you’re a fan: she becomes more animated in the finale.

For the most part though, FANCY LADY is episodic and uninvolving. It’s shot in quite an ugly manner too, barely looking like a film at all.

Extras on disc two begin with "Uschi’s Phone Sex". This is a 6-minute near-hardcore loop in which a lonely man rings a sex line and gets in touch with a raven-haired Uschi, who proceeds to vigorously wank herself off on her bed.

6 more early loops follow, all of the scratchy, softcore variety. They all star Digard with dark hair (this is early stuff) and make a meal out of her norks. Understandably.

Again, the disc opens with a static main menu page and there are no scene-selection menus offered.

All films across both discs are presented in their original full-frame aspect ratios. The vintage stuff looks very good, with bold colours and nice texture despite obvious print damage. The more recent PLEASURES remake has a different sheen to it, of the digital form, but is also very nice to consider.

English mono audio is fair throughout; a little quiet at times, but generally clean.

Uschi Digard gets naked and has hot lesbian sex? Really?! While it’s not hardcore, what you get is above average softcore nonsense and, for fans of the great lady, I imagine this set is indispensible for that reason alone.

Another solid release for their niche market, then, from Retro-Seduction Cinema.

Review by Stuart Willis