PETER ROTTENTAIL

Useless party magician Peter (Brian Berry) makes his way to a kids birthday party one grey afternoon. On his way, the magician encounters a sinister stranger in the street who passes on a strange potion to the inadequate trickster (it comes in a food-colouring bottle!).

The party is being held in celebration of James' birthday. Peter magician turns up and stumbles through his unfunny act, one trick after another failing dismally to impress the room of jaded 8 year olds.

In desperation, Peter drinks his strange new elixir in the hope of giving the children an impressive finale to his 'act'. What they actually witness is their entertainer vomiting in agony as he frantically flees the house. The kids chase the man into the street and catch what appears to be the beginning of a very naff, cheap metamorphosis.

Later that day, we see the magician return home and shoot himself.

The action then shifts to present day, 13 years after the opening scene's events. James (David Fife) - now a young adult - awakens from a familiar nightmare, in which he is chased through smog by a cleaver-wielding psycho.

His lazy brother Lenny (Brice Kennedy) rings James and offers a business proposition for the coming weekend - grandma's house needs cleaning up and Lenny's dad is willing to pay the two lads handsomely if they take on the task.

James agrees to help Lenny, despite the fact that it was grandma's house where the birthday party took place many moons ago, and James is still plagued by bad memories of it …

Meanwhile, two teen slackers wander aimlessly through a small town until they stumble across an empty house and decide to take a look inside. Upon entering the disused cellar it would appear they have found a perfect place to go and smoke pot. However it's in the cellar that they discover a mysterious book of spells and begin to recite an ancient incantation summoning evil to rise and do their bidding.

Within seconds, Peter has risen from the ground and stands before the two amazed potheads, complete with magician's suit and - wait for it - a rabbit's head and paws!!

Murder follows, by means of a carrot …

Back at grandma's, the bickering siblings arrive to commence work on the old property. Not much work is seen to be actually undertaken: instead, James behaves like the coy, straight guy while Lenny is the smart-mouthed loser more interesting in beer and women that anything else.

But it's not long before the boys are not alone. Stopping to kill a drunken tramp along the way, it becomes apparent that Peter is haunted by that fateful children's party and is on a vengeful mission to kill all the kids that kids that attended it - culminating with a showdown between him and our two heroes, of course.

This is another film directed by the Polonia brothers (John and Mark). And, as with their other movies, FEEDERS, FEEDERS 2, CANNIBAL CAMPOUT etc … it's shit.

I know, I know: filmed quickly and cheaply, and on video, it's unfair to dismiss this is garbage without first trying to look beyond the technical or budgetary limitations. But, whatever allowances I'm making for the Polonia brothers' lack of resources does not change the fact that this is shit. And not even the 'so shit it's good' shit!!

The storyline is pathetic (see above), the dialogue is unfunny and badly scripted, the acting is terrible even for an amateur production - actually Kennedy stands out above the rest as being quite watchable - the FX are lower than even the most bargain-basement crap you think you've seen, the direction is slack, sloppy and incapable of hitting any of the marks it aims for (humour, tension, and so on) … I think my point has been made.

For a video production, the picture holds up well with no compression issues or problems of grain/artefacting. Image is a little soft perhaps, but overall it's another solid presentation from the Sub Rosa crew.

Audio is mono and sounds fine.

Extras? Yep, and a few interesting ones actually …

PETER ROTTENTAIL is graced by not one but two audio commentary tracks.

The first is conducted by the two directors. Who, confusingly, sound almost identical. It's a very fluent, thorough commentary pointing out locations (their own homes, backyards, relatives' places etc) and family members as they appear. Low budget cost-cutting - such as wheelchairs for dollies - is discussed in a very po-faced manner, and for all aspiring zero-budget filmmakers out there it could be argued that this track may teach you a thing or two. Mind you, when one of the boys says "it's funny, sometimes scary … a really enjoyable film" I laughed. For all the wrong reasons.

Screenwriter John Oak Dalton provides the second commentary track. He focuses more on the film's story than it's technical aspects. Although Dalton seems amiable enough, he struggles at times to find anything worthy to say. And, along with the Polonias, he seems to think this stinker is a lot more accomplished than it is!

A host of video interviews are present, filmed on the set of the film in November 2003. The Polonias talk very seriously about the film they've just made (6 days to shoot), while David Fife and Brice Kennedy discuss their characters. Particularly refreshing is Kennedy's statement "a documentary on the making of (PETER ROTTENTAIL) will be better than the film itself". Too fucking right.

Interviews last approximately 10 minutes.

A trailer for the movie last only 90 seconds but still can't disguise how bad it truly is.

There's a stills gallery, which consists of 14 photographs taken while shooting the film. Following this is a gallery of 'box art' - the video cover artwork to other Polonia titles, 20 covers in total.

Finally, you have the standard text history of Sub Rosa studios which at 3 pages long is far too brief to acknowledge as a genuine extra feature.

Anyone who knowing buys a shot-on-video film where a guy wearing a $30 rabbit mask kills people with a carrot surely gets what they deserve. And then some, as the nice extras prove!

Review by Stuart Willis