PORN SHOOT MASSACRE

A précis? Really? What, to a film where the concept is so high even the late Don Simpson would probably have responded to its pitch with "is that it?"?

This truly is a case of "the clue is in the title". But for those who think I'm just being lazy, here goes:

We open with a rather stunning brunette soaping herself down in the shower. In slow-motion. It happens that she's preparing herself before heading off to the shoot of a new porno flick which is being helmed by well-paying, mysterious director Donald (Robert Ambrose). Her agent, who she speaks to over the telephone, is not happy.

Moments later, said brunette leaves her abode and is about to get into car when she's attacked by a masked assailant who garrottes her in broad daylight. Considering the delectability of her wares, this is indeed a tragic occurrence.

Anyhow, we next meet Christy (Shelly Martinez). She's at the top of the porno game and has also been cast in Donald's movie. Arriving on the set, she quickly establishes herself as a diva. The Beatnik-style Donald is equally swift in his bid to remind her that he's paying her handsomely for her time - she'll do what she's told or fuck off, in other words.

She does what she's told: a camp assistant director ushers Christy into a dressing room where she's free to 'rehearse' with her attractive male co-star before they get it on for a steamy sex scene under the scrutiny of Donald's lens. Already, we get an inkling that someone is spying on their carnal activities...

Elsewhere on the set, it becomes apparent that Donald has hired the top female names in the industry for his film. Junie (Naomi Cruise) balks when she's referred to as an icon - she prefers the terms "goddess" and "princess". Missy (Diana Prince), however, relishes in telling Junie of how she made the cover of Donald's last film. Yes, there is some prissy rivalry afoot.

As more chiselled and toned characters are introduced to this closed, dimly-lit set, Donald somewhat enigmatically warns "If you step off this set, you step OFF ..."

Hmm. In-between the regular bouts of agreeable nudity and softcore sex scenes (lesbianism! midgets!), someone is bumping off the stars of this new porn film without the knowledge of those still surviving.

I refer you back to the opening words of this review. Need I go on? It's a porno shoot, people are getting slain by a mystery killer. In the interim, the film is propelled by vignette-style scenes which alternate between softcore rutting and lame comedy. Less Troma, more Shock-O-Rama, I'd say.

Having said all that, Corbin Timbrook's direction is assured and imbued with a happy eye towards stylish compositions. Antonio Hernandez's script at least attempts at pithy humour - and, on occasion, hits the mark. The score is surprisingly good, as are the lighting and editing.

If none of that concerns you, then take solace in the fact that all of the female cast have incredible figures - and they all get their boobies out at some point. Bloodletting is restricted but it hardly matters: the last thing this curious, tongue-in-cheek whodunit wants to be is mean-spirited.

PORN SHOOT MASSACRE comes to region-free DVD in uncut form courtesy of Lost Empire. They're a new one on me, but I'll keep a keen eye on their releases from this point on.

This film is presented in a decent-looking window-boxed transfer which boasts strong blacks and warm colour schemes. Occasional noise is unfortunate but brief enough to never be overly problematic. Shot on digital, the film looks okay but not great. It's a budget film, on a budget disc - adjust your expectations accordingly to avoid disappointment.

English 2.0 audio is good. No qualms here.

The disc opens to a static main menu page. From there, a static scene-selection menu allows access to the film via 18 chapters.

There are no bonus features.

PORN SHOOT MASSACRE is adequately made and has enough minor thrills to make it entertaining. Despite its title, don't expect anything hardcore in terms of sex or violence. However, if you allow it to be, it can be fun in a lo-fi kind of way.

Review by Stuart Willis