Play-Mate Of The Apes

I hope you don't mind, but I'm not going to try and be witty here. Most reviews would give you the plot summary and lead you into believing you were reading a review for the actual PLANET OF THE APES. But, you're an SGM reader, so I know that you would never fall for that! You clicked on the title PLAY-MATE OF THE APES, and you came looking for silly soft-core fun! And guess what? You found it!

PLAY-MATE OF THE APES is exactly what you are thinking it is, a soft-core spoof on the old classic version of the film, and a rip and tear fest of the Tim Burton disaster. The plot is almost identical, three astronaut's crash land on a foreign planet and travel a long distance only to find that they are on a planet ruled by apes. Along the way they get taken prisoner and one of them becomes a leader to under-civilized humans, eventually escaping the ape jail with the aid of some friendly apes.

In the original film we don't quite know why the ship crashes. In this film it all has to do with an orgasm. Yup, you read that right, an orgasm sends our astronaut's crashing into the mixed up world. Oh yeah, in the original our three astronauts are ugly hairy guys. In this they are very nice looking women who all happen to be lesbians. Yea!

Honestly, I really don't know how in-depth to get with the plot here. It really is just what I have written so far and they don't try and get too serious about the whole works. If you are familiar with the original film, then you know what is going on here, just with lots of soft-core. Oh, I was asked what soft-core is exactly, so I'll explain. No penetration and no play grounds on display up close. Get it?

So what do we have here as far as acting is concerned? Well, Misty Mundae stars Gaylor (the Charlton Heston role) and is almost perfect in the film. Funny thing is, you would think that having the build that she has, she wouldn't stand-out as much as her more well built co-stars, but Misty has such an amazing presence on screen, that she is by far the best thing in this film! Seriously, she has so many great assets to her that she is really great to watch on screen. I will gladly seek out more stuff with Misty in it. As for the rest of the cast, they all do the job well enough and all seem to be enjoying themselves, though to be honest with you, Debbie Rochon gets a little annoying as Dr. Cornholeus. She spends most of her time screaming like a chimp and throwing her arms about. Yeah, I know, she is supposed to be an ape, but it gets old real fast. But, that is also a major problem with the Burton re-make, those chimp screams got real old real fast. The general gorilla, played by some guy whose name I can't remember, is actually pretty good.

Picture wise this is a clean looking DVD. The quality of the film is that standard low-budget film look. There are no striking visuals on display other than that of our female stars, so you are not looking for reds that shine and blacks that look like tar. The boobs are always clear and finely defined.

Sound is also that of a low budget film, but you can hear all the snide comments fine and the moans never get lost in the mix.

Bonus stuff here is actually quite decent. First up is a rather professional looking interview with the cast. It's one of those with talking heads with the poster behind them and they talk about how this is a great film and they think people are really going to like it. It's a nice interview.

Next up are separate interviews with Anoushka and Sharon Engert. The interviews are pretty much just set a few standard questions and then ending with both of our stars spending a few minutes playing with themselves. When our interview crew finds Anoushka for the interview, they are interrupting her from her private session.

We also have a few trailers for the films and a music video. The music video can be skipped if you ask me.

There is also a rather fun look behind the scenes.

On the disc is also a ton of trailers for other DVD's offered by Seduction Cinema. They all offer plenty of visual treasures and worth checking out.

All in all, PLAY-MATE OF THE APES is everything you are expecting it to be. Mediocre to poor special FX and make-up, pretty cheesy dialogue, silly sets, but all done with so much fun that it's hard not to like the film. The people involved know that they are not making a film that could replace the original PLANET OF THE APES. They know the film will never go down in history as a "classic". But it is this self-realization that makes this film so enjoyable! If you enjoy these soft-core spoofs, then you need this film. If you are a fan of the original and can take a good ribbing, this is also a nice addition to the collection.

I think I might be buying more Misty Mundae stuff in the future.

Review by Carl Isonhart

'Play-Mate Of The Apes' can be ordered direct from Alternative Cinema by clicking here.