PHANTOM OF THE GRINDHOUSE

Not content with haunting opera houses and rock clubs called The Paradise, the lovelorn phantom in this case pervades over a ... grindhouse cinema house.

Bizarrely, this short (65 minute) independent film opens with 12 minutes of trailers for fake films, all of which have been meticulously shot in the style of the films they're aping: INVASION OF THE MUD SPIDERS looks and feels like any of the many crappy man-versus-nature 'epics' from the 1970s; GLUTEN FOR PUNISHMENT mixes with gore and classical music to reproduce the dreaded 'arthouse nasty' aesthetic; I WAS A TEENAGE WITCH HUNTER FROM OUTER SPACE is, well ... I don't feel guilty about actually wishing I could own a full-length version of this one ...

Then we're into the film proper. It opens with a transsexual cinema owner, who opened her theatre to essentially showcase her own no-budget films, addressing her motley staff and advising that the theatre faces closure unless they can raise funds to keep it afloat.

To this end, young employee Christine (Desiree Saetia) has come up with the idea of a 24-hour horror movie marathon, on the basis that the cinema's monthly horror double-bill is always a crowd-pleaser. The other staff members - all of which are unhinged young creatures with a collective nervous energy about them that would power a major city for a week - agree to get involved.

Jolene (Kate Lewis) is a sex-mad sycophant; Joey (Chip Rockcastle) is a moronic Michael J Fox wannabe; Jerry (Jaime Osborne) looks like Weird Al and seems obsessed by the possibilities of magic; Ally (Meredith Host) is the sexy bespectacled redhead, who's only marginally less sensible than Christine (i.e., not very).

Unbeknownst to them, however, the Michael Jackson and Prince-loving Phantom (Jason McCall) has been living secretly in the theatre's crawlspaces and attic - and isn't about to let them ruin this set-up. His dreams of using the theatre to finally get the musical recognition he feels he deserves are, he thinks, threatened by their plans to turn the place into a doyen of trash cinema. He resolves to start bumping them off one-by-one.

Only, once the Phantom spies Christine he realises he can't kill her. Rather, he must infiltrate her dreams (in which he feeds her burgers and pizza) and attempt to possess her forever.

Fart gags, minor gore, impromptu songs and some of the most excessively broad acting ever witnessed ensue ...

Boasting a frantic pace and an upbeat ska soundtrack provided by several bands (the most memorably-named of which are Bunion Cunts), PHANTOM is as daft and irreverent as you'd expect from writer-director Chris Seaver when you consider that his resume also includes the likes of RETURN TO BLOOD FART LAKE and SCROTAL VENGEANCE. The opening credits give fair warning, announcing the following program as "a Chris Seaver turdling".

However, it's also surprisingly well-shot and edited, and the performances are so camp that you can't fail to warm to their ludicrous vigour. The whole thing is rubbish, of course, but knowingly and gleefully so. There's always something curiously commendable about a film that exists on a level of pure puerile insanity alone.

PHANTOM OF THE GRINDHOUSE is presented uncut in its original 1.78:1 aspect ratio and has been enhanced for 16x9 televisions. Blacks are mostly stable, colours are strong and images are sharp throughout in what amounts to a perfectly good presentation of this shot-on-digital film.

English 2.0 audio also comes with little qualms, offering a fair and even balance between the score, the dialogue and the rare passages of clean quiet.

Independent Entertainment's region-free DVD opens to a colourfully animated main menu page. There is no scene-selection option for the main feature, but you can travel through the action using the fast-forward button on your remote control handset by way of 14 chapters.

Extras begin with a stirring audio commentary track from the cast and crew. They don't possess the good grace to introduce themselves, but they have fun while proffering a fair amount of detail about the film's remarkably quick production schedule regardless.

A 9-minute reel of bloopers is entertaining, members of the cast often laughing at Seaver's genuinely clever, wise-cracking and John Waters-esque script.

Finally, we get a trailer vault offering previews for several other titles available on home video from Independent Entertainment: SNOW SHARK, FACES OF SCHLOCK, BABYSITTER MASSACRE, PORKCHOP, ROAD HELL, ZOMBIE ALLEGIANCE and ZOMBIE BABIES.

A rousing soundtrack; a break-neck pace; some of the most outrageously OTT performances I've seen in a long while; a villain who harks (badly) to Michael Jackson and Prince in equal measures. It's not every day you come across a film like PHANTOM OF THE GRINDHOUSE.

It gets fair treatment on Independent Entertainment's disc.

By Stuart Willis