NURSE

(A.k.a. NURSE 3D)

Welcome to All Saints hospital. It's blessed, it would seem, with an unusually high percentage of good-looking nurses wearing teasingly tight white uniforms. As you can imagine, it’s a veritable candy shop for the horny doctors working there.

One stand-out example is Abby (Paz de la Huerte), who’s far from coy when it comes to flouting her impressive curves in front of the drooling men. But, as her opening voiceover confesses, she is a wolf in sheep’s clothing: a Black Widow.

Abby, it transpires, likes to dress up in sluttish attire on an evening and tour notorious bars in search of frisky married men. Her method is tried but true: she gives them the brush-off once, before enticing them further. If they fall for her bait, she retires somewhere more secluded with them … and ultimately makes a killing. Literally.

What motivates her to do such things? You have to wait for a third-act flashback for that answer.

In the meantime, Abby’s narration introduces us to Danni ((Katrina Bowden), a drop-dead gorgeous student nurse who she plans to take under her wing. Abby does this first by deliberately taking Danni for a stroll outside a club where she knows the latter’s stepfather Larry (Martin Donovan) is about to leave with a hussy on his arm. Shattered to discover that her mother is being cheated on, Danni is initially grateful for Abby’s shoulder to cry on.

But when Abby sets her sights on punishing Larry for his transgressions, going as far as enlisting his psychiatry services under the pretence of her being a sex addict, the cracks in her relationship with Danni begin to show.

For a start, her approach to friendship is a little heavy-handed. It teeters between borderline seduction and overly forward neediness (shoving a spare key to her apartment into Danni’s hand, for example). And then there’s her negative attitude towards the two men in Danni’s life: Larry, and her nurse boyfriend Steve (Corbin Bleu). Danni begins to back away, especially when she overhears a new hospital supervisor claiming to recognise Abby as a girl she once knew, called Sarah. Something is seriously amiss, Danni realises. But Abby is not the type to take rejection lying down …

NURSE was co-written by David Loughery and Douglas Aarniokoski, and directed by the latter. It’s a flab-free 80-minute ride, playing on the same darkly humorous balance of wry behavioural observations, quirky characters and gory horror that distinguishes the likes of TEETH, MAY and AMERICAN MARY.

From the off, the pace is brisk and Boris Mojsovski’s cinematography is very nice indeed; the film resultantly looks like a much bigger production than its apparent $10 million budget. Coloured lighting, convincing set design and considered camerawork further help in making NURSE an extremely accomplished-looking film.

But, of course, the real reason to watch NURSE is for its stars and its gory, tongue-in-cheek set-pieces.

Paz de la Huerte has a body to die for and Aarniokoski’s camera just loves gliding over it as she goes about her daily chores. She frequently disrobes (gratuitous shower scenes; sexual encounters which act as preludes to murder, etc) and, yes, she’s anatomically perfect at each turn. Bowden is even more stunning, as fans of TUCKER AND DALE VERSUS EVIL can already attest. Although her nudity is comparatively restricted, she’s often shown in various states of near-undress and the moments of almost-lesbianism shared between the two leads are the hottest of their kind since BOUND.

Of the blood, there is plenty of it. It comes in the form of cocks getting sliced, throats being slashed and even a pair of scissors being rammed through one unfortunate victim’s neck. Some CGI is employed and, to be brutally honest, it’s not the best. But elsewhere we get nice practical FX to keep old-school bores like me happy.

The black humour works well, and the cast is one of those weirdly fascinating ones a la EXCISION: as well as ENTER THE VOID’s de la Huerte and Bowden (also a veteran of TV’s "30 Rock") we get Bleu (formerly of HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL!), plus great turns from Judd Nelson and Kathleen Turner. The lead girls don’t always deliver their lines too convincingly but it hardly matters: they’re not reciting Shakespeare.

I don’t think it’s ruining too much to suggest a sequel is a distinct possibility – Abby’s narration is, after all, telling her story in the past tense – and I for one would welcome more of the same.

An attractive, fun proposition, NURSE was shot with the intention of being viewed in 3D. Consequently there are instances which seem to exist solely for this purpose (the opening shot of de la Huerte staring into a broken mirror, for example). But these are never obtrusive, even when watching the DVD’s 2D version of the film.

Indeed, it was the Lionsgate DVD that we were sent to review.

The film looks marvellous, presented uncut and in its original 2.35:1 aspect ratio. The picture is enhanced for 16x9 televisions. Colours are deep, flesh tones are natural, fine detail is intricate, blacks are solid.

The film is presented in 2D. If you want to see it in 3D, you’ll need to buy its blu-ray variant.

Audio is provided in English 5.1 and is a well-balanced, stirring prospect. The film’s score and sound design are both assets, and are conveyed impressively here. Optional English subtitles are well-written and easy to read at all times.

A static main menu page leads into a static scene selection menu allowing access to NURSE via 10 chapters.

The best extra is a commentary track from Aarniokoski. He speaks with an easy manner about the considerations of working with 3D, reveals how many of the special effects were achieved, and discusses what a pleasure it was to work with the girls. Probing into Abby’s psyche seems a little forced, admittedly, but the stories of how game de la Huerte was to run around half-naked and covered in fake blood more than compensate for that.

An 8-minute Making Of featurette entitled "Bad Medicine" is too short but offers some good insight into the production regardless.

"Nurse Video Diaries" is a fluffier, 5-minute affair. In it, the stars lead us through footage of them training at the gym, rehearsing their lines and playing pranks on members of the public.

The disc is defaulted to open with trailers for THE QUIET ONES, HORNS, SEE NO EVIL 2 and KILLERS.

NURSE perhaps doesn’t cut as deeply as it could’ve done. The notion of someone dedicated to healing people acting as a murderer in their spare time could have been supremely discomfiting. But it’s played as a black comedy here. Still, if that means we get gags, gore and two gorgeous women wearing various skimpy outfits throughout, it becomes difficult to register a convincing complaint.

As mentioned above, NURSE is also available on blu-ray. The blu-ray set contains the film in both 3D and 2D versions, along with access to a digital download of the movie.

Review by Stuart Willis