NIKOS THE IMPALER

German director Andreas Schnaas is a name that has intrigued me immensely over the last decade or so. Having not seen any of his films (VIOLENT SHIT TRILOGY; ZOMBIE DOOM; ANTHROPOPAGHUS 2000 etc) prior to this, I was determined to approach NIKOS with an open mind - such has been the divisions within the horror fraternity when discussing the worth of this man's works!

NIKOS starts off well enough: a six minute sepia-tainted prologue takes us back a few hundred years, and sees an angry mob of Romanian villagers cornering local barbarian Nikos (Schnaas) in a cave, then proceeding to disembowel him. This act of vengeance is met with stunning resilience from the imposing Nikos - he claims he is immortal and will return for his revenge on the descendents of his killers ... then chows down on his own innards, possibly in homage to the aforementioned ANTHRO ...

As the credits roll, the action is promptly brought up to current day New York via some naff travelogue footage and funk metal musings.

Frank (Joseph Zaso, DEMONIUM) lectures at an NY University, teaching teens the legend of Nikos - so barbaric in his time that Romanians have apparently written him out of their cultural history books ...

The lecturer captures the imagination of his typically eclectic class by advising them of an exhibition on Romanian art - including some guff on Nikos - that is due to open imminently at the local Bancroft Arts Gallery. He invites the class along to enjoy the culture show, bribing them with the prospect of earning additional credit points towards their final exam score, if they make the effort and show up. Frank's new girlfriend, Sandra (Felissa Rose, SLEEPAWAY CAMP) needs no such bribery.

On the opening night of the exhibition, however, a theif is contracted to rob the place.

Frank and Sandra may be doing a sterling job as volunteers showing an enjoyably stereotypical motley crew around the gallery (gay couple; slacker teens only there to score with chicks; annoying brain-box girl; out-of-town elderly couple on vacation; scathing art critic - you've seen it all before, yeah?!), but even they seem at a loss when the would-be robber engages in a bloody shoot-out with a vigilant security guard, resulting in copious amounts of blood spurting into a crate containing the remains of Nikos ..

Would it surprise anyone, ANYWHERE, to learn that Nikos is reincarnated by the fresh blood drooling all over his legendary mask, and awakens with a vengeful lust for human slaughter?!

What follows is a prolonged (and expertly choreographed) bloodbath in the art gallery, where almost all of who we assumed would be integral cast members are hacked to pieces in unapologetically gory fashion. Indeed, this set-piece of thrash metal ear-bashing, severed limbs and decapitations lasts a good 20 minutes and therefore it's safe to say that this sequence alone offers more action and gore than the climaxes of 95% of all other modern horror movies.

Once the art gallery set-up has been discarded, however, the movie degenerates into a virtual gag-reel of one gore spectacle after another (Nikos goes on a mini-rampage of New York - taking in massacres at a cinema showing a double bill of Schnaas films, a gymnasium, a video store that happens to boast Lloyd Kaufman and Debbie Rochon amongst it's customers, and so on).

As is always the way in this ilk of movie, the cops prove to be largely ineffectual. They don't believe Frank's protestations that this homicidal maniac is an ancient barbarian with wizard-like powers. And, even if they do, they are gorily dispersed of in such a short space of time that the inclusion of cops as a means to back up the plight of the righteous is rendered utterly redundant.

Stylishly shot, fast-paced, action-packed and positively laden down with inventive gore (not to mention it's fair share of mordant humour), NIKOS THE IMPALER is a hugely enjoyable slice of madness from a director who is very obviously as talented as he must surely be demented.

The FX are frequent and, of course, splashy as fuck. Thankfully, the use of CGI has bee kept to a bare minimum - those occasional moments do NOT help the film!

Perhaps not the answer to the prayers of those waiting for another BAD TASTE to surface from nowhere, then. But what NIKOS can boast is that it is a riotously funny, entertaining, gory film of not insignificant production values and most definitely worthy of any regular SGM attendee's time.

Cryptkeeper's UK disc doesn't quite reach the giddy heights of the Schnaas-produced US disc from a year or so back, but as that was a limited release anyway, this is a very nice proposition for UK audiences indeed.

The film is presented in it's original 1.78:1 aspect ratio and is anamorphically enhanced for 16x9 TV sets. In truth, some images look a tad stretched on occasion, and the end credits are hideously framed ...

Picture quality is nice and clear, grain-free. A little soft, perhaps, but for a film that was shot on video this looks very good indeed.

The original 2.0 English soundtrack is present, and for the most part is very loud and clear. A great asset to the film, in fact. I did notice though that the audio dipped in volume occasionally - not a major distraction by any means, due to the infrequency of this problem.

Extras - accesed via static, silent menu pages - include:

GOBLET OF GORE. A 3 minute trailer for a forthcoming Schnaas project which looks very interesting: equal parts dodgy metal vid, and dodgy Redemption-style vamp fetish!

A video interview with Schnaas and musician Marc Trinkhaus, conducted by Haiko Herden in 2003. At 8 minutes it's too brief, but it is nice to see that Schnaas is totally affable and even jovial between realising his grim fantasies onto the screen.

A theatrical trailer for NIKOS feels too brief at 2 minutes in length, and is too quickly edited to do the film true justice.

Next up is an 11 minute 'Making Of' featurette that concentrates on the video-store massacre. In-between takes, Kaufman seems more interested in promoting Troma! Overall this is a nice insight into the good working skills of the film's director, but it's a shame that much of this footage includes people speaking in German. But no English subtitles.

Finally, you get a trailer reel for other titles also available from Cryptkeeper: BLOODLETTING (looks very offensive, amazed it's been passed uncut in the UK!); CADAVER BAY; THE UNDERTOW; SCRAPBOOK; DEMON LOVER; HARDCORE POISONED EYES etc - 16 films are showcased in total, all within a 17 minute reel that unfortunately cannot be navigated via your DVD player's remote control handset.

A solid release of a vastly entertaining film that is already making waves amongst worldwide gore fraternities. I would say buy it, without hesitation - well, I was suitably impressed.

BUT ... reservations? Well, just a couple ...

Firstly, it should be highlighted that the BBFC cut 6 seconds from the film, on grounds of sexual violence which leads in to a fatal attack ... secondly, the cover advertises the inclusion of an uncut shower scene (starring Seduction Cinema fave Darian Caine) as an extra - but I couldn't find it anywhere on the disc?! Which is bizarre, as even the BBFC page shows that this 'bonus footage' had been classified ...

Oh, and although the back of the cover states that the film is 150 minutes long, it isn't. This being a Region 0 PAL disc, it clocks in at just under 100 minutes in length.

Review by Stuart Willis