LOVECRACKED! THE MOVIE

Proffered as a horror-comedy anthology of stories inspired by author HP Lovecraft, LOVECRACKED! THE MOVIE turns out to be so much more ... and so much less.

Events open with a painfully unfunny sketch of a cable TV reporter (Elias, THE VOICE INSIDE) stood in a garden paddling pool that's doubling up for a creepy swamp. The reporter tells us he has made it his mission to uncover the mystery surrounding Lovecraft's personal life.

Somewhere amid scenes of the reporter losing his pants during broadcast, pointing at a sheep and stating "This ... is not (Lovecraft's) sheep" and dodging rubber bats that dangle on a string in front of him, he informs us that 9 filmmakers have been invited to make short movies highlighting their own adulation for the great writer.

And so, in-between the sub-Monty Python "wackiness" of Elias and co (rival documentary makers turn up to belittle our host; a businessman appears with a phobia of books; Lloyd Kaufman shows up to promote himself in an excruciatingly naff mock interview), LOVECRACKED! serves to showcase the talents of budding filmmakers from both sides of the Atlantic.

Of the 9 shorts buried within the awful comedy shell, the more interesting are the following:

CHAOS OF FLESH. A black-and-white British effort from 1999, which runs like a short precursor to Argento's JENIFER. A man saves a woman from a hideous death - only to realise to his cost that she is not what she at first seemed.

REMAINS. A visually striking live-action, stop-motion essay on one artist's dalliance with the dark arts. Devoid of dialogue, but interesting colour schemes keep this one going.

WITCHES SPRING. A meditation on the perils of Internet dated, which sees a hapless Englishman fall foul of a buxom wench who has designs on owning his heart ... literally. Watchable, like one of the better Wicked Pixel shorts.

ALECTO. A violinist haunted by memories of his abusive childhood. When a student of his starts playing a familiar melody, the violence suppressed deep within him rises to the surface. What impressed me about this one was how the actors' expressions steered the action (again, there's no dialogue). Its sombre tone makes it the darkest film in offer, too. Best of all during ALECTO though, are the stylishly shot and WELL-lit scenes of genuinely creepy puppets.

RE-PENETRATOR. Burning Angel's controversial porn-riff on Stuart Gordon's RE-ANIMATOR, shown here in an abridged 8-minute cut that avoids any hardcore footage but brings on the gore. A mad scientist creates a female zombie then injects her with a serum that makes her crazy for sex ... that's the plot! Coloured lighting and off-kilter camera angles conspire with dramatic music and knowingly outrageous acting to make this one a whole load of nonsensical, high-spirited fun.

BUGBOY is the best film on offer here. Shot in stark, grainy black-and-white, it's the simple tale of a hilted boyfriend who turns into a giant bug then attacks his ex and her new beau. Imaginatively photographed, inventively edited and legitimately eerie - think William Castle shot through Richard Kern's lens.

The remaining films serve up little more than a lame animated music video and a horribly bad tale of a punk rocker who summons the demonic "lerkers".

Masterminded by BiFF JUGGERNAUT (THE VOICE INSIDE), this disparate selection of low-budget exploitation offers some interesting artistic strokes from potentially promising young filmmakers. Unfortunately the wraparound sketches with Elias playing the clown are hideously unwatchable - imagine Broken Lizard and the Troma team joining forces to make the most low-brow "comedy" they could ... and you're almost there.

It's a shame because most of the shorts are worth checking out. And the stirring punky soundtrack deserves special mention too.

LOVECRACKED! looks good on DVD, with a generally sharp and clear presentation. The aspect ratio changes according to which film you're watching, and there's no 16x9 enhancement - but neither proves to be distracting. Some grain is evident on a couple of the shorts, but considering their 16mm origins that's understandable.

The 2.0 English audio does its job just as adequately.

Some of the extra features end up being among the best stuff on the disc:

First up is the first BiFF JUGGERNAUT project, the notorious THE VOICE INSIDE. I've reviewed this on SGM previously so will keep this brief. Essentially, a man leaves a train with an annoying voice in his head. The voice continues to bark orders at him as he returns to his apartment, and takes over his body when he argues against it - forcing him to inflict some horrific injuries upon himself.

I wasn't impressed when I first saw THE VOICE INSIDE - I thought it was a dumb, pretentious shock-for-shock's-sake exercise. Part of me still believes that, and yet the film has improved with age. The cinematography and scene compositions are undeniably impressive, and the film unquestionably leaves its mark on the psyche.

Two short films from budding LOVECRACKED! contributors follow. MASTURBATING GHOST is a weird, disagreeable mix of comedy and unnecessary weirdness. A MATTER OF HAIR, meanwhile is a refreshingly entertaining and unexpectedly funny take on the werewolf sub-genre.

A short blooper reel focuses on the merry time had by Elias and co during their shoot for the wraparound section. Glad someone enjoyed this!

A trailer for LOVECRACKED! THE MOVIE basically shows it for what it is - a mixture of the quite interesting and downright, shamefully inept.

Elsewhere, we have a couple of Elias-directed music promo videos for industrial noise merchants Things Outside The Skin. These are kind of like Nine Inch Nails' "Head Like A Hole" clip, recreated on 16mm with a $50 budget. The end results are surprisingly effective.

Finally there's a brief essay filling us in in this latest BiFF JUGGERNAUT project, and a bizarre Easter Egg - CREAMY AND DELICIOUS, a half-hour short about a man visited by God, who persuades him to eat a Twinkie for the first time in his life ...

The combination of well-made, noteworthy shorts on this disc (RE-PENETRATOR, THE VOICE INSIDE, A MATTER OF HAIR, BUGBOY, ALECTO, REMAINS and CHAOS OF FLESH) amount to about an hour's worth of footage. The rest, for the most part, is dreck. Ironically, it is Elias' input that is the worst on offer (he's the main impetus behind the JUGGERNAUT persona).

For the most ardent underground enthusiasts.

Review by Stu Willis