LAST STOP STATION

In my two-and-a-half years as a film reviewer for SGM, Unrated and Rumourmachine, I've not only become hardened to 'bad movies', but also learned to distinguish between the kitsch, the misfires and the copouts, among others. The two shorts that we're looking at here, LAST STOP STATION and SHADOWS IN THE GARDEN, fall into another category, and my decision to leave them at the bottom of the screener pile to hibernate was justified.

Based on their work, partners in crime Andy Kumpon and Wayne Spitzer look like they're in their embryonic stage as filmmakers. Euphemistically, we could term these efforts 'works in progress', by people learning how to express themselves through image, montage and dialogue. But that doesn't make the results worth watching, as the 35-minutes worth of camcorder footage testify.

LAST STOP STATION (Directed by Andy Kumpon)

Newspaper journalist Jim runs out of petrol, and pulls up at a garage at night. As he waits in the car, the garage door opens amid a billowing of smoke, as hooded alien creatures wash the incredulous man's car and fill it up. But when he starts taking photographs, they demand his camera. After getting away, Jim calls his boss about what could be the "story of the century" and they go back together to the bizarre filling station. When the creatures come out, the men take photos and film the action, but are kicked out of the car. Walking together with the film camera, Jim and Steve see Steve's old car pull up, and the camera is taken from them.

Although it attempts to conjure an eerie night time ambience with its high contrast lighting, LAST STOP STATION has serious issues in terms of pacing, editing and exposition. Sluggish, confusing and ham fisted in its distribution of information, the film is extremely difficult to accept for its severe lack of polish, and has one of the most listless confrontations between man and monster I've come across. Indeed, when Jim encounters the hooded ones for the first time, he starts fiddling around, taking photographs and then tries to bribe his way out of trouble with what might be a packet of cough sweets in a scene shocking only for its lack of urgency. Locked in a weird kind of stasis, LAST STOP is devoid of awe and suspense.

Even more irritating, the images are cut together in such a wayward fashion that one can't tell whether there's one creature or several. If my memory serves me right, we only see one set of feet creeping from the garage door. Although we're treated to close ups of different monster hands, such as a skeletal pair, a gloved one and a fleshy pair of mitts with long nails, it's hard to know if some kind of weird transformation is happening or if several actions are being cross cut. Of course, the latter is the correct answer, but it's always good to know what's happening as it plays out, instead of having to connect the dots ourselves, because the filmmakers didn't.

During the end credits, some interesting words roll, "This project was made for less than $1000, shot on video and edited with Scotch tape, so what's your problem?"

SHADOWS IN THE GARDEN (Directed by Wayne Spitzer)

Following the disappearance of a policeman, strange murders pile up with rumours of a monster lurking about town. Waking from the Cthulhu Gardens, a half-vegetable/half reptile creature surveys the area, and finds a dead body whose Walkman it takes and listens to. What happened to the infamous Lt Green, whose blood found on a tree is the only clue to his disappearance? And why does the green 'un have such an interest in the man's widow?

If you haven't got good sound equipment, heavy weather, which belongs in the background, drowns out sounds that should be foregrounded. Luckily, the monster doesn't talk, but he does look like a very dodgy cross between a mutant turtle and a bush, which makes him hard to take seriously. Like the first film, SHADOWS is edited in a confusing way, and it's unfortunate that the film begins with an experimental montage of broken images dreamt by the monster. After that bemusing kaleidoscope, we're treated to much skulking around at nighttime, courtesy of plenty of murky night shots that look worse for being in colour. While LAST STOP's use of black and white at least kept the palette simple, SHADOWS has plenty of murky tones halfway between one colour and another that makes the experience even grottier.

Wayne and Andy will have to make many more films to get the hang of film technique, and get to where they hope to be. I just feel bad for the people who will be watching these pieces of work.

As a boy, I was shocked and disappointed after buying the camcorder epic, THE DEAD NEXT DOOR, believing it was going to be a proper film. Home movies dressed as movies are more common these days, but no film until now has come closer to replicating that experience of ten years ago!

Review copy is an NTSC VHS.

Review by Matthew Sanderson