THE LAST SHOWING

It's "the mouse that roared", all over again...

Stuart (Robert Englund) is an elderly guy who's worked at his local Multiplex cinema for many years. He's been banned from returning to his former role in the projectionist's room following a former "incident": he's currently stuck on the concessions desk, wearing a silly hat and answering to the petty bickering of his "inept adolescent" boss Clive (Malachi Kirby). All he wants is a little respect, and for people to show respect for the films that they pay to see.

When he moans about a film being shown in the wrong aspect ratio, Clive is nonplussed. "No-one gives a shit how films are shown anymore ... kids want realism" he argues. Little does he know that Stuart has had enough, and is planning the most realistic film of them all, due to be shot that very night.

Enter Martin (Finn Jones) and Allie (Emily Berrington), an amorous young couple who turn up with tickets to see the midnight screening of Wes Craven's THE HILLS HAVE EYES PART 2. They're the type of people Stuart despises: prone to making crude remarks ("I like it large" she sniggers while ordering a drink from Stuart) and more interested in getting it on in the dark than watching the show.

Stuart is polite enough to them in the lobby. But behind the scenes his plot is slowly hatching. Unbeknownst to them, he drops a powerful sedative into Allie's drink. We see him setting booby traps and meticulously ensuring that his movie - which he intends to shoot using a mixture of handheld digicam footage and material captured on the cinema's CCTV system - goes according to plan.

Once Martin and Allie are alone in the theatre and busy chatting through Craven's worst film (little surprise that the cinema's otherwise empty ...), Stuart's plans accelerate. He waits for all other customers and staff to leave the building before locking up and confronting Clive in the basement. Following a spat in which Clive believes he's sacked Stuart, but the latter insists he's resigned (a running gag), the smart-mouthed boss is incapacitated while his disgruntled former employee sets about making examples of his last ever patrons.

First of all, he turns off the lights in the cinema - and then the film itself abruptly ends, only to be replaced by an unbearably high-pitched noise. Martin and Allie flee into the corridor: it's all going according to Stuart's plans, as per the cue cards that he's prepared in advance and is now ticking off as they occur.

Allie collapses unconscious in the female toilets. Yup, that's just as Stuart planned. Martin is gormless and, upon discovering he's locked inside the Multiplex, takes some time to realise that there's a private show awaiting him in Screen 12. Yup, another plan that runs like clockwork. Said show is a briskly edited montage of footage compiled that evening, showing the young lovers enter the cinema. It ends with the ominous promise "To be continued". Suddenly Martin realises that something very bad is going down.

Stuart's plan, it transpires, is to make a horror film of his own, with real people as its stars. Filming and editing his footage together, he's able to manipulate his 'characters' into situations which form some kind of tenuous plot - the intolerant cinema manager, the disrespectful customers, the isolated girlfriend in peril. In the meantime, Martin must lower his libido and considerably raise his IQ if he's going to outwit his tormentor...

We don't get many horror films based in cinemas, but those that we do get tend to stick in the brain. DEMONS and ANGUISH immediately spring to mind. THE LAST SHOWING starts off well - it's fast-paced and Englund is always fun in his own campy way - but, once his motives are revealed and the filming-within-a-film all gets underway, interest begins to undeniably wane.

Writer-director Phil Hawkins exhibits explicit strengths and weaknesses in his dual role.

To begin with, he certainly knows how to make a film look handsome. Each scene is well-lit, bursting with colour and polished with a commercial veneer that, ironically, would happily sell THE LAST SHOWING to the casual Multiplex-goer. A muscular, dramatic orchestral score assists in the claim for mainstream appeal. The editing is adroit too: Hawkins keeps the action nice and lean, ensuring the pace remains consistent throughout.

His big weakness lies in his screenwriting. Do young British people really use language as twee as "bloody", "hold your horses" and "sod off" this much anymore, anywhere outside of a Richard Curtis-penned film? On top of that, the characters of Martin and Allie aren't remotely sympathetic: we hate them just as much as Stuart does. So, where's the tension? We root for what effectively is the baddie. Which isn't a new thing, but it does mean all the time we spend with the detestable young lovers is a waste because we care not one jot for their safety. At the very best, all that can be said in their favour is that they're a fine-looking couple. But then, won't that just make some hate them even more?

It has to be said that performances aren't that great either. Englund is great, of course, looking convincingly old here and playing that icily cool menace that he must be capable of doing in his sleep by now. But the British cast really do let the side down, particularly the thoroughly unconvincing Kirby and the persistently confused-looking Jones.

An early tendency to reference other films seems to cry out for SCREAM-style coolness (perhaps 15 years too late), suggesting an eagerness to cross over en masse to US audiences. But, despite the attractive Cheshire VUE cinema settings and the benefit of a £2,000,000.00 budget, the set-piece sequences are just too small-scale and the script too polite to really register on any major level.

There you go, that's my critique of this film - and I didn't even have to mention that professional arse Keith Allen turns up in the latter half. Oh, bugger...

SGM received the film as an online screener, presented in its original 2.35:1 aspect ratio and looking very nice to boot.

Review by Stuart Willis