THE LAST SECT

Sydney (the attractive Natalie Brown, DAWN OF THE DEAD) writes for a magazine. Her latest assignment is to interview the head of online dating agency Artemis.

She takes her photographer friend Sam (Sebastien Roberts, LUCKY NUMBER SLEVIN) along to the office blocks where Artemis is based. While waiting in the corridor for company head Anna (Deborah Odell, FINAL DRAFT), they discuss Sam's obsession with a new site he's found called Vampire Web - in which it appears that sexy female vampires eat bound-and-gagged males live on webcasts.

Their discussion is cut short when Anna makes herself available for interview. The interview goes well, although it shows how dumb these journalists are - they don't seem to realise how odd Anna is, staring and purring at Sydney, mocking Sam's sexuality and so on.

Later that evening, back at her apartment, Sydney - who Sam has revealed has not had sex in four years - begins to become more interested in Artemis' services, and hesitantly registers online. Anna watches Sydney's registration from her laptop in her office, and later gathers her all-female employees - the vampires from the webcasts!! - to inform them she has found a suitable "candidate", and their mission will soon be complete ...

Meanwhile, Abraham Van Helsing (David Carradine, KILL BILL) - grandson of you-know-who - and his assistant are busy looking for the very last vampire sect, to destroy.

Helsing's assistant happens across the Vampire Web and runs some tests to confirm its authenticity. He also cleverly discovers that it is ran by the same people who run Artemis ... now they just need to find out where it's based, what the vampires' big plan is, and of course kill them. Perhaps saving Sydney before she is completely seduced by Anna and co would be an idea too ...

THE LAST SECT has the worst script I've ever heard. Characters meander through pointless conversations that rarely propel the plot any further forward. And the dialogue itself is so corny it's barely conceivable - Carradine's lines when he confronts Anna are particularly diabolical, the likes of which Hammer got away with but audiences in 2007 will most likely bawk (or laugh) at.

Aside from the lousy script, Jonathan Dueck's (HEARTSTOPPER; DARKNESS FALLING) flat direction doesn't help matters, leaving it a good 56 minutes until anything other than a couple of blink-and-you'll-miss-them vampire appearances on PC screens happens.

The acting is borderline, with the younger performers just about managing with their atrocious lines - but Carradine seems to be either drugged or half-asleep. His performance is a bizarrely listless one ... save for a genuinely odd moment where he and his assistant sing a Latin tune together.

Thematically the film is about ... what? Vampires that use the Internet to lure their victims? Sydney's repressed lesbianism? Highlighting very real fetishes that are now more openly exposed thanks to modern media? All of these things, quite possibly. And yet Dueck doesn't seem interested in pursuing any to a satisfying degree.

This R2 disc gives us the uncut film (it's a very tame affair - no bare flesh and hardly any blood - akin to an episode of Buffy, complete with nondescript indie music from The Duke Spirit), in a very good-looking 1.78:1 anamorphic transfer.

Images are pin-sharp, bright and well contrasted.

The English 2.0 audio does an equally good job, while optional English subtitles are at hand for the hard of hearing.

Static menus include a scene-selection menu allowing access to the film via 12 chapters.

The main extra is a decent 13-minute Behind The Scenes featurette, filled with fly-on-the-wall-type footage from the shoot.

Finally there's a 2-minute trailer that does a good job of making the film look better than it is (be forewarned though, most of the footage in the trailer is taken from the film's last 10 minutes).

The presentation of THE LAST SECT on this disc is terrific. Unfortunately the film itself is as uninspired as modern horror gets - I've stood in more interesting dog shits.

Review by Stuart Willis