KIDS GO TO THE WOODS… KIDS GET DEAD

I recently read the highly recommended tome from Doug Bradley entitled "BEHIND THE MASK OF THE HORROR ACTOR." It’s a hugely entertaining, informative and original book that reignited my severely dwindling interest in the FRIDAY THE 13th franchise. This was essentially down to the chapter on Kane Hodder, who speaks about the series with such fervour and detail it made me want to endure the entire chain of movies all over again. (Ok maybe just the first 8 then!) It’s a passion shared by writer and director Michael Hall who pays homage to 1980’s slasher flick in his independently produced romp KIDS GO TO THE WOODS… KIDS GET DEAD!

Slasher tradition almost dictates that the simple ingredients required for a good ole fashioned massacre are girly hormones, chaotic male teen testosterone, an isolated summer hidey-hole and a mysterious madman armed with an arsenal of sharpened weapons.

With a budget just shy of $10, 000, Hall was apparently eager not just to honour the movies themselves, but also the means in which a lot of these features were viewed by its adolescent audience. Us Brits never had Rhonda Shears UP ALL NIGHT cable show in the UK (a weekly horror movie showcase presented by the ex-Play Boy model herself) but some of us from a certain era surely experimented the VHS tape. When recording a horror movie off ITV, how many of us clumsily tried to edit out the adverts with the pause button only to find we inadvertently lopped off the last few seconds of a scene? Or perhaps our attempts at seamlessness between commercials were flawed enough to reveal the previously recorded programme (or home video) on the tape?

Hall takes the above ideology and moulds them into a fun 85 minutes viewing.

The narrative concerns Scott and Casey, a brother and sister who are joining some friends on a summer jaunt into a cabin in the woods as part of Casey’s Birthday shindig. The cabin is actually owned by Uncle Bill, a stoner hippie who is off to a "Mountain Jam", hence leaving the troop to their own teenage devices.

Despite being warned by their parents (and a shifty gas station attendant) about "the woods", the kids proceed to their destination for some fun fuelled debauchery.

Poor Scott is the youngest of the party and, as such, is subject to the usual jock bully tactics. He takes solace in burying himself in an intriguing novel he is seemingly addicted to. The name of that book… "KIDS GO TO THE WOODS KIDS GET DEAD!" (Hey wait! Isn’t that ALSO the name of the DVD?)

Inexplicably, the ultra-violent fatalities featured in this fictional digest seem to be occurring one by one to the teenage faction.

At this point it is worth mentioning our "Tasty Cheesecake Whore Hostess" (Her description, not mine!) Candy Adams (Carly Goodspeed) whom the movie cuts to at 15 to 20 minute intervals. The self-styled "Maiden of Mayhem’s" fun interjections from her bar stool perch potentially could have been an annoying distraction from the main feature. But her amorously delivered mini anecdotes convey an innocent charm that with emphasize the parodying style of the picture. (I wouldn’t have minded being her cherry flavoured lollipop either... but that’s another story!)

It’s this comedic element that tends to gloss over some of the glaring shortcomings of the movie, some so blatant you wonder if they have been left in there to purposely befuddle the audience. (E.g. scarpering from the store with three bags of shopping left of the counter only to be devouring beer and tortilla chips in the very next scene!)

Then there is the nameless gasmask sporting killer himself. No explanation is offered to who he is, why he is on a killing spree or indeed his fate! Normally this would be frustratingly inexcusable, but KGD is executed with just about enough quirkiness and gore to narrowly attain tolerability.

Being a parody is one thing but a slasher spoof essentially needs some splatter to justify the humour. Step up Julie Langer who is solely credited as the movies makeup artist and special FX specialist. Langer does a competent job regarding the gore score which is made up of crimson spurts, stabbings and hackings. Ok there is no close up lacerations for the viewer to drool over but, as one of the skits included in the "extras" chapter showcases, Langer is loyal to old school techniques of blood bags, retractable blades and concealed tubing. A basic demonstration of setting up a squib effect along with a picture in a picture example of the film making process conveys a sense of passion, dedication and professionalism among the diminutive crew that made me appreciate the end result a lot more.

Other extras included Deleted Scenes, a Gag Reel and the mandatory trailer.

The DVD has a 16:9 widescreen presentation which appeared crisp and polished. The only cheapness was the intended computer created vhs fuzz (think ‘Video Nasties: Moral Panic, Censorship & Videotape’ effects!) which did in fairness seem a little tacky and overdone at times.

In truth, there is probably only a niche market of fans from a certain age group whose obsession for horror was nurtured by the VHS tape. It is this demographic of video nasty aficionados who will truly appreciate the sentiments behind this DVD.

Hall’s slice of schlock (along with Mr Bradley’s book) for me anyway, conjured up enough interest to don a hockey mask and revisit a certain lake armed with a machete in searched of sexed up teenagers. In other words….HAIL THE SLASHER MOVIE!

Review by Marc Lissenburg