ISIS RISING: CURSE OF THE LADY MUMMY

ISIS RISING: CURSE OF THE LADY MUMMY

In ancient Egypt, an earnest male narrator tells us, the beautiful Isis (Priya Rai) was madly in love with her emperor husband - and brother - Osiris (Cameron Tevis). All was going well for them until his brother Set (pot-bellied Wilman Vergara Jr) got jealous and decided to kill Osiris.

Upon capturing Isis trying to resurrect hubbie from the dead, Set had the corpse chopped into pieces and the body parts shipped to different corners of the world. He then snapped Isis's neck as punishment for treachery.

Fast-forward to modern day, and we're introduced to six despicable students on a field trip to a museum of Egyptian artefacts. Their lecturer, Professor Shields (Randy Oppenheimer) and museum expert Dr Nasir (Seth Gandrud) take prize student Amy (Aria Song) to one side to focus on prepping her for her future internship. This leaves the other five free to wander down into the museum's lower vaults and fool around with a spliff-like stick said to be capable of raising dead Gods.

This, coupled with Amy's transcription of a series of hieroglyphics warning that the dead will rise to avenge their deaths, can only spell bad news - surely?

Yep. But, of course, nothing happens before we get to witness the kids mess about stoned for a while, or for Amy to secretly cavort semi-naked with Shields. Oversized security guard Henry (James Bartholet) even gets the chance to enjoy a quick wank over the latter while spying on them via CCTV.

Sure enough though, before long Isis has risen and enters the body of nubile young Amy. The other students are slow on the uptake, so it's left to Nasir to drum up some tension and work towards getting them all out of the museum alive...

Indian-born Rai is best-known as a latter-day porn actress, having featured in the likes of BIG TITS AT SCHOOL 9 and AMERICAN COCKSUCKING SLUTS. Not sure what the plot of either of those is, but I'll investigate further and report back...

ISIS RISING is the well-endowed Asian's first attempt at breaking out of the adult industry and crossing over into more commercial acting. After all, when you hit your late 30s I suppose your days in the 'other' business are numbered.

Has she got a future in non-porn acting, on the strength of her performance here? Perhaps it would sound uncharitable if I were to say "not a cat in Hell's chance"? But she shouldn't feel too bad about that - it's not as if she's letting the side down: everyone in this production is woeful.

Seriously. Characters speak slowly and deliberately, as if concentrating hard on remembering their corny lines. There are pauses between exchanges of dialogue, making it seem as though each actor was waiting for an off-screen cue. The 'students' are charmless dunces who share neither chemistry nor a brain cell between them. The 'adults' are perhaps five or so years older than them, and if anything are even less likeable.

Rai has presence, certainly. Or maybe that should read "Rai has a huge pair of boobs". They're clearly being used as a distraction, given that they're shoved to the forefront whenever she's on screen. She can't deliver lines convincingly either, but at the very least has a physicality to her performance that comes more naturally than anyone else in the film. You notice when she's not on camera, because the action sags dramatically.

Along with the acting, director Lisa Palenica's script is laughably bad. Her direction is no better, rendering the whole thing as stylish and exciting as a lesser episode of "Goosebumps". The sets are unconvincing in the extreme, while the ancient Egyptian attire consists of spangled bras and men in nappies.

Oh, and the less said about the CGI effects the better. Although a special mention must go to both the opening computer-generated backdrops that accompany the prologue, and the risible gore sequences.

ISIS RISING is pretty terrible, but compellingly so. I enjoyed it in the most perverse way imaginable. Yes, it skimps on nudity and isn't violent enough to qualify as prime exploitation, but in terms of "so bad it's good" this has got the entertainment factor through and through.

The film looks sharp and bright on this DVD, presented in 16x9 widescreen and boasting deep colours in this faithful interpretation of the film's HD video photography.

English 2.0 audio plays without fault throughout.

MVD Visual's DVD opens to a static main menu page. There is no scene selection option. What we do get are options to either dip straight into the film or consult its 1-minute trailer first.

The trailer, the disc's sole bonus feature, is 16x9 enhanced and blessed with an old-fashioned deep male voiceover which does its best to elicit fake excitement. The film's blend of cheap sets, big cleavages and corny gore is well conveyed here.

ISIS RISING: CURSE OF THE LADY MUMMY is as bad as its title suggests. I shouldn't be recommending it, but I am: from the crappy acting, to the laughable vocal effects given to Rai when she's re-animated, to the terrible script and unbelievably unconvincing gore ... it's not often we come across a film this incompetent, and yet this guiltily enjoyable.

Review by Stuart Willis


 
Released by Tomcat Releasing
Region 0
Not Rated
Extras :
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