SCHOOLGIRL REPORT 7: WHAT THE HEART MUST THEREBY

(A.k.a. SCHULMADCHEN-REPORT 7: DOCH DAS HERZ MUSS DABEI SEIN)

"Starring many anonymous youths and parents", the opening credits tell us.

In actual fact, this cheap curiosity from 1974 is one of director Ernst Hofbauer's several entries into the German sex-docudrama "Schoolgirl Report" cycle. Other sub-titles in this series include the likes of WHAT ALL PARENTS SHOULD KNOW, WHAT DRIVES PARENTS TO DESPAIR and - a particular favourite - WHAT KEEPS PARENTS AWAKE AT NIGHT.

This particular episode, with its own curious subtitle, begins with the now-trademark frivolous opening score (I was half-expecting someone to start to singing "I've Got A Brand New Combine Harvester" over the jolly tune) and then an earnest male voiceover that will be familiar to all old friends of the series.

The commentator introduces us to more "honest" portrayals of the troubles modern-day schoolgirls get themselves into, starting off by focusing on young Barbara.

She's a pretty brunette who calls round to her brother's flat one afternoon, intrigued by stories that he is running a brothel from there. It turns out the rumours are true, and she observes from a gap in the door as respected doctor Kremers (Klaus Munster) calls by to have some fun with the voluptuous Veni.

Barbara looks initially distasteful, and - as the camera closes in on Kremers throwing money notes onto the gorgeous Veni's exposed breasts - she decides she's seen enough. But kicking off only brings Barbara to the attention of the horny doctor, who fancies a piece of her too. Naturally the brother gets defensive and a fight ensues.

... The upshot of this hullabaloo is that the matter winds up in the hands of a German courtroom, where the machinations of the brother's DIY brothel are closely investigated.

This allows the film to slope off into several vignettes that purport to give more insight into how each of the young girls in the brothel ended up working there. The linking device is their flimsy testimonials in the cheap (the producer's office, perchance?) courtroom.

We start with Helga, a 12th Grader whom teachers describe as "lazy but obedient". "It's true", she concedes. This certainly seems to be the case too, as her stint in front of the female judge cuts to a snapshot of her life - encouraging boys to do her homework for her, in return for sexual favours, which she happily dishes out.

Her flashback begins with the time she lost her virginity in the gym locker room, at the age of 15. This, sadly enough, seems laughably quaint in these times. Still, watching the girl strip and play with her bush in the shower is odd - thank the Lord she's blatantly in her early 20s. More soft sex ensues, complete with a bloke who looks like a young Beast from TV's "Beauty And The Beast".

One thing leads to another and the girl soon has boys flocking to fill her hole.

Next up we're treated to the travails of an ice cream parlour owner who swaps his sweets for treats from the girlies. With the gurning ice cream man sniffing pussies under the table and his bickering suspicious wife chasing him around, I think this one is meant to be lighter in tone ...

The film continues along these lines, offering a few more episodic examples of young adults playing at being schoolgirls, indulging in simulated soft-core sex with ugly European men. It's the 1970s - expect lots of hair from both genders.

Very erotic at times, surprisingly serious in tone for the most part - although not without odd moments of poor but welcome humour, SCHOOLGIRL REPORT 7 is much on a par with the rest of the series. The manner in which the boys talk to girls disturbs at times and still rings true in modern society. Meanwhile the fashions on offer - from hair and clothes, to music and even the interiors employed (check out the poster of Charles Bronson on one girl's bedroom wall) - place this unquestionably in its era. There is an authenticity to the sleaze proffered that the like of Tarantino, Rodriguez et al couldn't help to match in their so-called "grindhouse" films.

The film is presented uncut in its original 1.66:1 aspect ratio on this region-free disc, and is enhanced for 16x9 television sets. Despite its fair share of specks and minor print damage, this is a fair rendering of this little-seen curio. Colours are strong, as are blacks, and the image is generally good - albeit occasionally soft.

Audio is presented in original German mono and is clean throughout. Optional English subtitles are well-written and easy to read.

There are no extras on the disc.

Impulse's DVD opens with a static main menu page. From there, you can access a static scene-selection menu allowing access to the main feature via 12 chapters.

Synapse's erotic offshoot company Impulse Pictures continue to impress with their dedication to this little-seen but noteworthy series of dated but horny, and politically incorrect, films. SCHOOLGIRL REPORT 7 is more of the same - but that's not a bad thing, so long as you know these aren't REALLY schoolgirls.

Depressingly, I can't imagine many schoolgirls these days being as innocent as this bunch are ...!

Review by Stuart Willis