Galaxy of the Dinosaurs

The Bad Movie Police arrive on the set of some incompetent filmmakers, and promptly arrest them for making bad movies. Drucilla Dread and her equally busty partner then proceed to address the camera directly and inform us of the "cinematic crimes" that they are rallying against, with regard to the "evidence" - a "bad movie" called 'Galaxy of the Dinosaurs'. These include incongruously mixing and matching new footage shot in some woodlands with a 2 ½ minute desert-set dinosaur short, the obvious bad acting, bad haircuts, a bad turtleneck sweater, and so on.

We are then shown "the evidence", which is the film itself, 'Planet of the Dinosaurs'. A band of aliens - who look completely human - are scouring the galaxy for new culinary experiences, and are planning to venture onto earth for their latest excursion. Navigator Graft, who is guiding them from a separate space vehicle, attempts to send the group there. But he soon realises that his computer has been manipulated by an outside force, which ultimately sends the crew to an unknown planet, as well as blowing up Graft's space ship.

The group of eight - led by Captain Kronik - search frantically for something to eat, but are quickly informed by Professor Getting that there are no signs of animal life. As such - and at the behest of the whining loser Benj - they focus their attention on finding vegetation such as nuts and berries. Morda, the only woman in the gang, looks under a log and is frightened by a herky-jerky stop-motion spider. She screams aloud and is later discovered on the floor in shock.

Later on they all find and eat some sprouts, which predictably turn out to be hallucinogenic. After much infantile giggling and waving they see a T-rex eat Forband. After waking up they tell one another of the dinosaur episode believed to be a hallucination, and they come to the conclusion that it really was real, and come to acknowledge the biggest irony of all: it is they, the gourmets, who are at risk of being eaten.

Making a deliberately bad movie is an unfortunate ploy: there are enough rubbish films around. Director Bookwalter tries to hammer home an escape route of sorts, as the 'Bad Movie Police' introduction informs us of all the major faults, and attempts to coax us into meet the film in a playful recognition of badness. Making a deliberately stupid film is no excuse - it seems more advisable to produce something productive and interesting, but instead we are given the ultimate cop-out of all.

The group hallucination is one of the worst sequences. After eating the sprouts the walking caricatures wave their arms about and giggle excessively, presented by Bookwalter from the outside instead of attempting what could have been a far more interesting internal mind's eye view. What we are left with, instead, are a load of infantile ciphers spastically waving their arms about, for undemanding viewers to gaze at in self-reflexive admiration.

Not only does the 'Bad Movie' episode point out the shortcomings of 'Galaxy', but the latter is also highly conscious of itself. Dialogue is delivered in a deliberately corny manner, with exaggerated facial expressions and contrived vocals. Stupid lines are followed by dumb answers - when the space ship is crashing toward the dinosaur planet, one character says "everybody hold tight", which is greeted by Benj with "D'uh". We are constantly reminded that what we are viewing belongs on a bonfire, as if we needed telling!

Considering all the characters flaunt their incompetence for the duration, it is pointless for the film to have a comic relief character. If everything is so deliberately silly, how can anyone react with humour to Benj's actions? Among Benj's crimes are his OTT psycho turns, and his constant whining about wanting to have good food. The most tiresome part, however, could be when he starts crying after Forband's death. Alas, he's not sad because he liked the man, but because Forband owed him money.

The 'Bad Movie' law-enforcement scenes are as deliberately kitschy as the 'criminal film', so their inclusion would seem to be arbitrary. They, too, flaunt their badness for the duration, so it is out of place and inappropriate for a bad movie to be judged by a bad introduction. The whole exercise seems completely pointless and self-cannibalising, as if the T-rex decided to eats its own tail instead of the irritating Forband.

Picture quality is as crisp and clear as can be for a film shot on the Super-8 format. Whether deserving or not, the bulk of the film looks better than it ever has. The ill-matching dinosaur scenes - actually taken from a film called 'Planet of the Dinosaurs' look overexposed and soft, but this can be blamed on the original source materials. These have not been remastered, and to be fair they at least contribute to making the film look even worse.

Audio is generally competent. The flatness of the sound can be attributed to the primitive materials during the film's production, as opposed to any falt of the disc itself.

Extras include an audio commentary with Bookwalter, which clearly illustrates that he didn't take the film seriously - but the film and its intro have sledge hammered this point already. To further the proceedings we are also 'treated' to a making-of featurette, which gives general information regarding what went into the production.

Review by Matthew Sanderson