FACES OF SCHLOCK

FACES OF SCHLOCK

This low-rent anthology opens with horror hostess Slutpira (Izzie Harlow), sat in a studio mock-up of a graveyard, suffering overpowering dry ice and awkward fake fangs as she tries to present the framing introduction.

Slutpira is a buxom Goth chick who makes no bones about complaining to the off-screen film crew when her role brings her discomfort. Which is frequently. When she's finally done with her moaning, she leads us into the first of four random genre shorts ...

"Blood Witch" is written and directed by Andrew N Shearer, whose other efforts include CANNIBAL SISTERS and the wonderfully titled SOCKS AND VIOLENCE.

Shearer's segment begins in black-and-white, with footage of lesbian witch Isabella (Monica Puller) being slain for her sins in the 15th Century. It looks like it was filmed yesterday in someone's back garden, but don't let that bother you too much.

From there, the film fast-forwards to present-day where we meet occult punkster Lucia (Countess Samela), who rents a room off the bible-bashing Kelly (Priscilla Lee Press-On). Lucia uses an old book of spells to resurrect Isabella and have her kill off the people who irk her the most.

A simple plot ends with a predictable but fun twist, while on the way we're treated to some low budget gore and a couple of naked lesbian scenes. Probably the most startling image of all is our first sight of Lucia: frigging herself off while wearing a pair of blood-stained knickers.

"Blood Witch" looks murky and cheap, but is fluently directed and the spirited performances soon get the viewer on side.

Another brief link from the increasingly silly Slutpira, and then we're straight into the next short film: Justin Channell's "Mike Wuz Here".

Derek (Josh Lively) is a geek who bears an unfortunate resemblance to a young Peter Sutcliffe. He applies for a job as a security guard at the Warner cinema (a genuine establishment, as this segment's end credits reveal) and - despite the obvious weirdness of his prospective colleagues - accepts the position when it's offered to him.

He soon learns, however, that he and his comrades must suffer the annoying presence of Mike, a youth who committed suicide in the theatre and now haunts it as a ghost. He becomes more grating on Derek as events unfold ...

More overtly comedic than "Blood Witch", "Mike Wuz Here" is hit-and-miss with its gags but works thanks to an amiable cast and bags of energy. Again, the twist can be seen coming from the start, but it's pulled off as being a half-decent gag anyway. Some minor gore and boobies keep the attention along the way.

A very nice PSYCHO homage follows, with the handheld camera going several steps further than Hitchcock ever did by getting into the shower and offering several gratuitous shots of some lovely lady's hairy bush. All too soon, Slutpira bursts into frame and starts berating the film crew (again) for tossing in this completely irrelevant moment of T&A.

Determined to get things back on track, she then heralds in the third story of the evening.

"One Foot In The Grave" is directed by Chris LaMartina, who also co-wrote it with Jimmy George.

This one also plays itself for laughs as much as it does for gore. Again, it's a cheap and occasionally poorly lit handheld affair, with middling performances and a dodgy script. But that doesn't stop it from being fun.

The plot concerns hot dancer Katie (Sara Cole), who indulges in black magic to avenge those who led to the loss of her foot. Delightfully, these include Dr Schoal - a wonderfully bad turn from George Stover (FEMALE TROUBLE; DESPERATE LIVING; NIGHTBEAST etc). He gets lots of entertainingly terrible one-liners to ham up during this enjoyable, ridiculous romp.

Re-animating the limb to absurdist comedy effect with the help of a local witch, Katie's ensuing revenge spree is worthy of an episode of Steve Coogan's "Dr Terrible's House Of Horrible".

Then we're back with Slutpira for more amateur comedienne shenanigans, before we get to the final short offering: Henrique Couto's "Slay Ride".

This final segment sees voluptuous redhead Trash (Ruby LaRocca) going on a rampage of fucking and axe violence after being abandoned by her family on the night before Christmas.

Anything that marries the horror genre with yuletide motifs is a winner with me, and "Slay Ride" doesn't disappoint. It even manages to keep up the standard set by the first three segments too, and offer its own fair share of bare tits and copious blood. What's more, it's tightly edited, well-lit and benefits enormously from a satisfyingly obnoxious performance from LaRocca.

Occasionally funny, frequently dumb and never too far away from its next bad joke - especially in the mildly embarrassing linking devices - FACES OF SCHLOCK is a very low-budget shot-on-video affair that will appal those looking for slick production values. It stays true to one of its taglines: "To avoid fainting ... keep repeating ... it was only shot on camcorders ...".

The humour is puerile and not far removed from that of Troma. But there is an innocence and keen spirit to the entire project that makes it all curiously likeable. The films are all fairly brief too, so there's little opportunity for boredom to set in.

Independent Cinema's disc presents FACES OF SCHLOCK uncut in 1.78:1, and the transfer has been enhanced for 16x9 television sets. The picture quality is acceptable but not great, largely due to the origins of its shooting. Colours are sometimes weak, lighting is insufficient at times and images are not always sharp. It all adds to the shoestring aesthetics.

The English 2.0 audio, then, is a surprisingly reliable and consistent affair.

The static main menu page offers the opportunity to either watch the film in its entirety or view each short individually. It makes sense either way, as each film is presented with its own opening and closing titles sequences, even when screened as part of the main feature.

There is no scene-selection menu as such, but the film can be remote-accessed by way of a staggering 46 chapters.

Extras begin with commentary tracks from the makers of each of the four segments.

We're also treated to short Making Of featurettes for "Blood Witch" and "Slay Ride" (more of the lovely LaRocca!), which between them offer some enjoyable if non-too-revealing behind-the-scenes footage.

The less said about an embarrassingly awful "Schlock Rock" music video, the better.

Of more interest are some brief but fun outtakes culled from each of the short films barring "Grave", footage of Couto filming Slutpira's scenes and a short documentary taking a look at the film's 2009 premiere at Cinema Wasteland.

In the tradition of CREEPSHOW and TALES FROM THE CRYPT, but looking more like a less polished American variant of CRADLE OF FEAR, FACES OF SCHLOCK (a refined version of the original 2005 video release of the same name) is cheap and tawdry fun.

The disc serves the film well.

Review by Stuart Willis


 
Released by INDEPENDENT ENTERTAINMENT
Region 1 - NTSC
Not Rated
Extras :
see main review
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