FRAULEINS IN UNIFORM

I have developed an affinity for Nazispolitation yarns over the years due to the genre being THE daddy of the exploitation movie. These luscious slices of politically incorrect trash have been extorted from cult movie oblivion by various companies marketing digital compilations over the last few years.

FRAULEINS IN UNIFORM (aka She Devils of the SS) is one of those relatively rare movies. Not just because it somehow escaped my attentions, but also because it was a 1973 Swiss production geared toward the German market.

It’s a testing time for the Third Reich. The Russians are posing a real threat to the Hitler’s plans of world domination. As such, German women of Aryan heritage are being summoned to the ranks to serve Führer and Fatherland!

Dr Kuhn is the man in charge of vetting potential recruits for the Nazi army, but his passion for the cause is waning. His blasé "yeah yeah.." responses to fervent "Heil Hitler!"s around him accompany his lacklustre screening methods. Taking a girl’s verbal assertions that she is "5 months pregnant" while she pushes out her wonderfully toned tummy from her lithe body eventually leads to Dr Kuhn being struck off the medical register. Worse is to come though when Kuhn receives the dire news that his two daughters, Marga and Eva are to be recruited into the Front Line for the War effort.

A train crammed with sexy young personnel chugs off with the Kuhn sisters onboard. With bragging rights in full flow of who has the purest Aryan blood, the train comes under attack from an enemy aircraft. However, a swift move of tactical genius ensues. They simply flee the train before re-boarding it which proves enough to see off their assailants!

While on their journey, a letter to Himmler is drafted by the ladies. It seems they feel their true calling is "the right to serve German men" and by Jove are they willing to serve!!

It seems the ladies are willing to shed their Nazi regalia and get down and dirty quicker then you can say "Schutzstaffel". With all the impulsive shagging during WW2 its no wonder they frigging lost! When the train finally reaches its destination, the Kuhn sisters are separated. Eva is employed as a search light operator at the Anti Air raid unit. During this engagement she gets hit by some shrapnel in the leg. Not only do her pleas for medical assistance fall on deaf ears, she also gets raped by a Sgt to boot! Her sister Marga, meanwhile, is now employed as a phone operator but risks a "strained ovary" by looking at "dirty pictures" instead….

It’s around this time that a third protagonist enters the mix. Ola has just been diagnosed with leukaemia so has now switched places with her unnamed twin sister, who was originally drafted in to the ranks. It seems now she is critically ill, her plan is the live life to the fullest buy joining the Third Reich!

Of course this incongruous narrative unfurls over a backdrop of sleazy and bizarre soft-core sex scenes. Skirts are hitched while on duty while nozzles of rifles are erotically fondled! But all this wanton debauchery comes at a price. An outbreak of V.D. in the camp means strict rules are now to be adhered to.

Eva’s attempted escape from the clutches of the Third Reich inevitably fails and she is imprisoned.

Marga meanwhile has been furtively seeing her Russian boyfriend. When their rendezvous are predictably foiled, his falls foul to a ruthless firing squad. (Who needs squibs when a little paint on the corner of the victim’s mouth will do the job eh?)

Now Marga has nothing to live for, will she risk it all to save her sister? Will they both be saved by their estranged father who has now inexplicably been promoted to Major? And where can I get one of those delicious looking upright ‘chocolate swastikas’ that adorned that scrummy cake at one of the Nazi banquets???

The opening scenes with its flagrant display of flesh means a more apt title for the movie should have been Frauliens OUT of Uniform! The enthusiastic "Seig Heils" from the nude female army means there is no subtle covering of modesty either!

Anyone vaguely familiar with this absurd genre will know better then to attempt any elucidation of the various nonsensical plots. The genre’s strengths lie, not in the storylines (although there are a few exceptions), but in its astoundingly offensive tincture.

But FiU, although deserving of the Nazispoitation moniker, is not merited for endless scenes of torture and violence. Indeed the humorous sex scenes were more in the spirit of ‘Confessions of an SS Officer’ than "A Beast in Heat"!

It is an indisputably entertaining 90 or so minutes and this owes a great debt to the dubbed dialogue. I have no idea of the original language version was translated accurately, but its English guise is a real hoot. From the very outset there are some great examples of deliberate humour such as the faint cry of "enjoy yourself.." from the parents of a young girl who is off to fight in WW2 as the train pulls away as if she was off to summer camp!

But the real killer line of dialogue arrived near the end of the movie and threatened to split my sides with laughter like a bullet from a Mauser rifle!

Facing a fleet of tanks, the commander delightfully understates "I guess two machine guns is a little light for trying to defeat those Russian Tanks!!!" He needn’t worry though because the tanks simply back off much to the Nazi’s relief. Its stirring stuff from start to finish I can assure you!

Cheezy Flicks have at least managed to source a widescreen print which is a little soft but more than adequate for a movie of this age and scarcity.

The usual array of ‘extras’ are included, consisting of a few trailers and an intermission advert in which ‘Tony’s Pizzas’ claim to satisfy your stomach cravings. They even interview a stomach to quantify such a declaration!

Anyone with a slight interest in collecting these politically erroneous slices of cinematic idiocy surely must lay down a few Reichsmark’s and add this to their collections. But if (like me) you have a few long lost German relatives … just don’t mention the Phwoar!!!

Review by Marc Lissenburg