FAST ZOMBIES WITH GUNS

A former hitman agrees to testify against his mobster boss, the notorious Paul Varlo (Charles Ramsey). He meets up with a detective to air his concerns about testifying – after all, he has a wife who he frets will be killed as a result.

The detective (David Hamilton) persuades the guy to rat on his boss anyway, and convinces him that there is nothing to worry about. Meanwhile, however, Varlo is busy giving his son Jimmy (Curt Mummer) instructions: go to the rat’s house, and release a "dangerous chemical" into his water supply, thus killing him. Oh, he wants the guy’s diary too – for added security.

This is especially bad news for the rat’s wife, Robin (Sofiya Smirnova), as it happens to be her birthday.

After a relaxing evening out, they return home and she retires for a soak in a bubble bath. Oh dear, isn’t that water contaminated by now ...? Indeed it is, and this witless couple are soon transformed into quivering, itching zombies as a result. Their first victim is the mob boss’s son, who’s sent back to their apartment when he confesses to having forgotten to retrieve the aforementioned diary.

Meanwhile, on the other side of town, petty thief Jake (Tony Swansey) breaks into a socialite’s house and steals the priceless necklace from around her neck. This is part of the get-rich-quick scheme he and pretty girlfriend Laura (Leena Kurishingal) have concocted, hoping to sell the heirloom on to Varlo. They set off on a drive across town to meet with the big man.

The storyline then chops and changes between Jake trying to get to Varlo for the promise of a $2 million paycheck, and an increasing outbreak of living dead madness. And, as the title suggests, these are no ordinary zombies ...

Fortunately, the gun-toting locals are determined to rally round and take on the trigger-happy undead. But who will win this battle? And do you really care?

Apparently filmed on a budget of just $7,000.00, I admire writer-director Bennie Woodell for going out there and making his own zombie film. And certain aspects are quite good. The handheld camerawork creates an atmospheric sense of claustrophobia at times, and the rock soundtrack is on occasion effective.

But, by-and-large, this is really amateur stuff that makes THE DEAD NEXT DOOR look like a masterpiece. And, even worse, it’s far too long at 86 minutes in length.

Perhaps most disappointingly of all though, is the fact that the film is so humourless. I mean, I read the title when this screener first arrived and initially thought to myself "fuck right off". But then, I gave my head a shake and thought ‘well, this film clearly must have a sense of fun about it, so I’ll run with it’. But, no it hasn’t. There is occasional humour, of course, but it’s so lame that I challenge all but the most retarded to laugh at it.

At its best, some of the zombie attacks are spirited and the crude gore reminded me at times of Leif Jonkers’ DARKNESS.

The screener DVD-R provided for review offered quite a primitive-looking rendition of the film. It was presented in an overly dark non-anamorphic 1.78:1 transfer with heavy colours and, surprisingly for such a recent digital effort, soft images.

English 2.0 audio was adequate but nothing great throughout.

There were no menus or bonus features to comment upon.

I’ve been unable to ascertain what the official DVD release from Chemical Burn Entertainment is likely to include. From past experience, I’m not inclined to expect much.

But the film’s largely shit anyway. Unless you have a particular penchant for films of a so-bad-they’re-bad nature, this is probably best avoided.

Review by Stuart Willis