AN EROTIC VAMPIRE IN PARIS COLLECTION

There was a study recently whereby males in the UK between 20 and 25 years old admitted their concerns at watching too much online pornography. An interviewee brashly stated, "...anyone who actually pays for porn needs their head examining!". He was clearly referring to the plethora of free hardcore porn floating about the net. So when it comes to a soft core movie.. my god it had better titillate and entertain if its going part me with my hard earned cash!

Seduction Cinema has released a double disc set of 3 movies entitled the EROTIC VAMPIRE IN PARIS COLLECTION. Presented with some gorgeous soft focus artwork and featuring softcore Z movie queen, Misty Mundae, the outer packaging looked promising. Misty (real name Erin Brown) has featured in such epics as Play-mate of the Apes, Night of the Groping Dead and Lord of the G-Strings: Femaleship of the String. With such an impressive CV, I sat back in anticipation of her one of her classic features, AN EROTIC WEREWOLF IN LONDON on disc 1 of the set.

Although filmed in 2006, the cheap title sequence was very 1980’s! So much so I was half expecting Kenny Everett to pop up.

The opening scene of Misty and Ruby making out on the bar suddenly reminded me why softcore porn is a dangerous thing. Yes it can be argued it deals with ‘suggestion’ as oppose to ‘explicitness’. But the suggestion here is that the clitoris, for example, is invisible and positioned on the inner thigh if the bizarre circular finger motion causing the explosive orgasm is anything to go by!!

But I digress. The ladies finish their love making and are then joined by a buxom short haired blonde, Anoushka. The Polish born beauty is then, rather effortlessly if I may say, seduced by one of the lovers in another strange scene.

Halfway through this lesbian coming together I was bored stiff.... and also concerned as to when the lycanthropic element would eventually kick in. But kick in it did. A full moon gliding through the night sky and Anoushka began to transform. Remember some of the ground breaking transformations from the 80s... The Howling, An American Werewolf in London, The Company of Wolves? The effort and time that the actors and actresses had to endure in the painstaking 10 hours or so in the makeup chair? They needn’t have bothered. All you need is a pair of joke shop fangs, some false nails out of a Christmas cracker and some stuff that looked like stale candy floss attached to her wrists. Voila! – There’s your Erotic Werewolf!

After dealing Ruby a grisly death, she turns up in London and sets about contacting the press for an interview. She reveals the "abundance of prey..." is her reason for moving to the UK Capital.

Some more masturbating scenes follow which are easy on the eye I have to say. But, when the Texas Chainsaw Massacre poster in the background steals the scene you know you are in trouble!

There was one scene that did actually act as a shining example as to what ‘softcore’ should be. A nurse thankfully ignores her doctor’s advice to not "...stick her fingers in the pudding...". The sight of her very sexy, dark painted nails gliding around her patients breasts was genuinely very erotic.

Whether this 30 second sequence was enough to save the utter crap all around it is obviously debatable.

How many times has a great films DVD release been plagued by the fact that little or no extras are included? Not so with this package. The Vampire in Paris Collection actually has a commentary track. How the $500 budget for filming in London came to be is revealed. If not enough, the controversial decision NOT to use "elongated black nipples" as part of the werewolf special effects is also discussed.

What was most interesting about the disc’s extra’s was when Misty Mundae is interviewed. She is either a deluded individual or she saved her best acting for the interview as she is pretty passionate about how she approached the role along with the essence of the story etc.

EROTIC VAMPIRE IN PARIS the second feature on the disc is less hammy but is also less sexual. A couple of good looking scenes do little to save it from being a hugely tedious hour of viewing.

The third feature is title PURGATORY BLUES. Not one for believing in Heaven or Hell, the grey area that is Purgatory is largely a non starter for me. But there was another chance to see Misty in the buff which I guess is not a bad thing.

I have to be honest. The only reason I could ever foresee myself parting with cash for this DVD is if I had met Misty Mundae at a film convention in the flesh. If in some twisted moment of sentimentality I then felt the need to show a modicum of loyalty, yes I would probably purchase a copy.

As adorable as the little minx is, she just isn’t enough to even compete with the top shelf of my local Spar if I feel that way inclined!

Review by Marc Lissenburg