EVERYONE MUST DIE

Writer, actor and director Steve Rudzinski is a man of many talents. But looking over his repertoire of creative output, it is hard to find much subtlety in titles such as KU KLUX KLAN vs NEO NAZIS, BASIC SLAUGHTER and THE SLASHER HUNTER. It should come as no surprise then that when armed with an alleged budget of a mere £3500, Rudzinski returns with another refined delicacy of a movie simply called EVERYONE MUST DIE!

The movie starts in a blood drenched and frenzied fashion. Seemingly ordinary people have apparently been driven to slash and stab their way to freedom. One desperado even succumbs to repeatedly scythe open his foe’s face with a lawnmower as the words "Die Die DIIIIIIE" splutters out of his crimson soaked lips!

It’s one of those sequences that alludes to the climax of a previous episode in any given slasher franchise. Of course, what the particulars actually were from the prior chapter aren’t essential because in THIS movie we are following a bunch of horned up teenagers and guess what? There’s a ruthless killer ready to embark on a shredding rampage!

Somewhat predictably we get the usual diverse array of friends thrown together. The jock, the goth girl, the wanna be student body president, the virgin, the pair of lesbians, the spiritualist, the egg worshipper, the Jew and the homosexual rapper! In introducing its protagonists, the movie pretty much declares there will be an equal amount of giggles to accompany the gore.

The story takes off when we are told through ex-weatherman turned local news reporter Robert J. Mullingler (Clifford Lynch) that three small towns have been subject to similar mass killings with surgical blades every 7 days. Plotted across Mullingler’s map of the United States their quaint little town in West Virginia is next. Best way of avoiding a brutal hacking - move to Utah!

The reporter divulges this info to Kyle (Nick LaMantia) who is in a mission of his own to take revenge due to his sister being mercilessly ripped limb from limb at the hands of the mystery slayer.

With a major spoiler embedded in the movies title, the run time spills a mere 11 minutes over an hour containing a steady stream lacerating mayhem along the way. Now in principle this should be a lot of fun. Depending on your personal penchant for humour over horror it probably is. But for me that is where the major problem with this little cheapie lay.

As the characters traits come to the fore the humour goes into overdrive. Regardless of how amusing these extended segments were, I couldn’t help but notice they tended to grind the movies pace to a halt. That said, kudos has to be given to the movie for literally tearing the arsehole out of that versatile art form called Hip Hop with its parodied inclusion of a homosexual rapper!

This is however a slasher movie of sorts so what about the vital violent element? I think it’s fair to say the gore improved as the movie progressed. Initially there were a few notable instances of CGI. I found this forgivable not just because of the limited budget but also because the movie didn’t over rely on computer generated effects. As the killings progressed they followed the trend of off camera killings and only allowing the viewer access to cleverly constructed aftermath shots with makeshift weaponry protruding from the unfortunate fatalities. The final climatic act raised the bar. The slashing occurred at a frantic pace with actual murders being shown. This was thankfully accompanied by genuine crimson liquid in abundance being splashed before the camera’s lenses!

Whether this primitive depiction of gore was enough to balance the joviality of the picture is debatable. But one element that really scored highly was the boob-a-licious factor! All the female cast at some point got to exhibit their voluptuousness which didn’t do the movie any harm in my opinion!

Whether this is ever going to gain a cult following among horror aficionados is a contentious argument. But there is one group of people who are DEFINATELY fans of the movie. They are cast the cast and crew themselves!! You see the DVD contains not one but TWO separate feature length commentary tracks.

In the first, Rudzinski is joined by various cast and crew members as they indulge in some jolly discourse thus carrying forward the movies fun atmosphere. For Seth Gotkovic who plays M.C. Pink for example the movie appeared quite cathartic it would seem as the ex-DJ appeared to have an equal disdain for rap music as myself! Secondly, equally as fun but leaning toward more factual, is another full length track. This time Rudzinski is joined by co-writer Derek Rothermund who also plays John in the movie. Over the course of the duel musings rest assured no stone is left unturned regarding their 71 minute venture.

Onto the Bonus Material chapter of the disc and we are initially treated to 5 minutes of BLOOPERS. Unsurprisingly considering the spirit of the movie you can here chuckle yourself into a frenzy while observing table cloths flapping in the breeze, actors bumbling their lines and even a BBQ getting in the way of a machete wielding killer! Hilarious!

A segment called ABOUT EMD runs for around 22 minutes and is an array of interviews with the cast and crew which is actually quite well structured as various members are asked similar questions back to back in order to get varied perspectives regarding the shoot.

A couple of minutes of "Pete Alternative Takes" show director Steve Rudzinski in various states of hyperactive improvisation as he brings his character in the movie to life.

Then it’s back to MC Pink in a rather vulgar 2 minute innuendo driven and downright obscene gay rap music video called "Cockfight"!

The mandatory trailer completes the disc.

Overall there is much tomfoolery, blood and boobs within Rudzinski’s movie. But the bottom line is just because "everyone must die" doesn’t necessarily equate that "everyone will enjoy it"!

Review by Marc Lissenburg