DEATH ANGEL DECEMBER – VENGEANCE KILL

Comedic genius Bill Hicks once described watching the TV show COPS was akin to having a toothache that you couldn’t stop fiddling with even though it hurt. I always found that funny but never really experienced such a phenomenon. That was until now… Those crazies at Chemical Burn have unleashed yet another piece of trash with their DEATH ANGEL DECEMBER – VENGENCE KILL disc.

The movie opens with a black and white sequence in which a young girl (who we soon find out is December) witnesses the shocking murder of her family in their home. December luckily escapes but only after seeing her mum getting raped and her brother having his eyes cut out. Why her family are subject to such a heinous ordeal is never explained. I guess they were just plain unlucky! The POV narration then advances 14 years to the present day. Rather then be committed to a mental asylum after viewing such a violent slaying of her loved ones, December (Leena Kurishingal) now works for the police. You see, she has studied criminal law at school so she can plot the perfect revenge over her family’s killers.

But such a devious plan takes practise. As such, by night she walks the streets (literally!) looking for criminals that she can assert her unique brand of vigilante style justice upon.

She keeps this double life up until, the very knife that was used to murder her relatives’, turns up as evidence in a different recent massacre. Despite their untimely deaths occurring 14 years ago, and her watching it from outside the house, the sight of the weapon sends shivers down her spine. It will soon be time for the self-styled Death Angel December to get her chance to gain Vengeance… and, of course, Kill…

Oh boy where do we start with this one? Well there is only one place really, the voluptuous Leena Kurishingal who plays December. If it wasn’t for her this movie would be yet another dreary piece of no-budget junk. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not great! But, Leena does make this piece quite watchable in her own little way. What the movie lacks in special effects it gains in a delightfully sexy wardrobe for our leading lady. Nothing quite like a scantily clad female, with a body to die for, cleaning up the seedy city streets in an uncompromising violent manner eh?

The movie had many laughable moments but none more so in its homage to Kubrick’s Clockwork Orange. Who could forget that seminal sight of Malcolm McDowell’s eyes being forced open with clamps and eye drops? Well it’s the same principal here except with thin strips of black tape on the temples is the order of the day! It bizarrely seems to work as a poor guy is ‘forced’ to witness his own death via a "Columbian neck tie". (Am sure the tongue hanging out of his throat was salmon!)

I appreciate budget constraints mean independent film makers need to employ some shrewd techniques in order to create the desired effect. One such technique is to have a gruesome killing occur just out of shot, while the explicit sound effect gives the viewer the impression they are witnessing it. The problem is though you really need some decent sound effects for this to work. So you can imagine my confusion when watching a shaky bit of camera work to the sound of an office stapler chugging away. It wasn’t until I saw the heart and open rib cage that I realised the ‘stapler’ was in fact the sound ribs being snapped!

Further evidence of the questionable production values was the "Extras" chapter on the disc. With the first option being "Delected Scenes", I assumed (and hoped) it was a word play on ‘delectable’ and we would have a few more minutes of Ms Kurishingal strutting her sexy stuff. I was to be disappointed. It was merely the misspelling of the word "Deleted"!

Another nugget was in the "Outtakes" section. A lady is gagged and tied up. Fake blood is splattered across her face… ACTION!!! What follows is the meekest of yelps –followed by the admission of "Sorry.. I can’t scream very well!" Great job casting team!

But the movie did redeem itself somewhat with a truly blood drenched climax. December takes out what seems like an entire army after avoiding their gun fire by rolling around on her back with her legs in the air. (Must remember that when I go back to my hometown of Croydon!). I couldn’t take my eyes off the movie but in fairness it was for dubious reasons.

Remember that toothache Mr Hicks was referring to? Someone pass me the pliers please!!

Review by Marc Lissenburg