BUSTY TWINS

BUSTY TWINS

Blonde hottie Susan (Glori-Anne Gilbert) slinks into the hot-tub with her husband Rick (Frank Harper) one evening, enjoying an evening of passionate love-making. The following morning, Susan goes back in to the hot-tub alone to relive the experience, substituting her fingers for Rick's penis.

Alas, the fun is curtailed when a mystery female enters the room and strangles Susan.

Cue Blake (Jay Richardson), a grizzled detective who hauls Rick in for questioning. He makes it clear that Rick is the prime suspect - and that his alibi of driving alone at the time won't wash. As Rick leaves in disgust, Blake warns him not to leave town ...

We soon learn that Rick is perhaps not as innocent as he makes out. He confides to Susan's sexy brunette sister Jenny (also Gilbert - ah, there's the BUSTY TWINS link) that he's lied about his alibi. She offers to help by providing one, but Rick is concerned that he's already told the cops he was alone. Jenny ends their conversation by telling him to call if he ever needs her. Oh, he will, later ...

Next we learn a little more about Rick's past-times. He's owner of a successful Internet company, who likes to indulge in having sex with women he meets over the Internet sex. The first glimpse of this comes when he reminisces about an Aussie chick he shagged at the gym.

Sadly, the daydream ends abruptly when Blake calls in on Rick with more questions designed to prove Rick's guilt. Blake determines that Rick has killed his wife after being caught out for having many illicit affairs. But, as he later tells his partner Kramer (Kirk Flavious), he's not ready to make an arrest yet - he's convinced Rick had an accomplice, and wants to wait for them to turn up at Rick's home.

But then, Rick receives a message on his PC one afternoon simply stating "I did it. I killed her". Frantic, Rick calls Blake - but Blake is reluctant to believe his suspect ...

So Rick is forced into confessing to Blake that he has spent the last couple of years cheating with women he'd met on the Internet. Could one of those be the killer?

Who cares? This plot conceit at least affords the opportunity to meet more of these women naked in various flashbacks. My favourite is the cute redhead (the least busty woman in the film, incidentally) who aspires to strip naked and have sex on top of a mountain. Very funny.

The film evolves in episodes that are woven in-between the central plot in vignette style, introducing us to the women Rick has been porking, while he (managing occasionally to look like Kelsey Grammar in profile shots) tries to fathom which one could've throttled Susan. Along with, of course, Rick watching footage on his PC of his and Susan's own aggressive lovemaking sessions. Hey, we all need memories.

The film plays reasonably well as a thriller. It has a low-budget "movie of the week" feel to it, certainly, but the performances aren't too bad and the script is adequate in its pared-down simplicity. The thriller element is only a fraction of what BUSTY TWINS is about though.

The bulk of the film is well-lit, glossy softcore sex scenes that drag on. Each one involves with a beautiful girl, in all manner of positions. If you can accept (or indeed, stomach) the notion of a nondescript middle-aged character being able to bag a succession of gorgeous women and then proceed to fuck them in extremely athletic sex-bouts, then BUSTY TWINS may be for you. If that doesn't seem too plausible though, then spare a thought for Blake. What a bummer for him that the murder case involves a succession of beautiful mistresses as suspects, all linked by Internet sex, when by his own admission "There's only two things in the world that constantly perplex me - that's computers and women". Good luck solving this one then, mate!

Director HR Blueberry directs the expositional material in a flat but competent manner, allowing for dialogue and expressions to take centre-stage. There's nothing revelatory, but it'll suffice. The film only comes alive visually when the sex is on screen. Suddenly then, the camera is very active, the dance music blares on the soundtrack and editing becomes as attractive as the artificial lighting.

The women are all toned, tanned and - with the exception of the aforementioned redhead - imbued with decidedly fake-looking breasts. Look out for Chasey Lain though as Pizza delivery girl Molly, towards the end of the film. Still looking good after all these years (is it really 13 years since CHASEY LOVES ROCCO?!) ...

Tight, taut, well-lit, well-shot and well-edited - BUSTY TWINS is an above-par effort from the guys at Secret Key. But it's still a little disheartening to discover that this is directed by Jim Wynorski under a pseudonym. Okay, his earlier efforts such as CHOPPING MALL and NOT OF THIS EARTH are hardly genre classics, but ... really, this is a come-down.

Still, if it pays the bills ...

BUSTY TWINS is trite, throwaway fun with a polished delivery. It's enjoyable, even when you know that you're watching is - really - rubbish. It belongs to a genre made popular by BASIC INSTINCT, and in those terms is arguably more entertaining than, say, JADE. Is that saying much? I'll let you be the judge.

The film is presented in a credible 1.78:1 transfer, enhanced for 16x9 TV sets. Colours are strong and flesh-tones are natural throughout. Blacks don't suffer and, although images are at times soft, details are largely solid. There's little to grumble about on the visual front - mammaries have rarely looked so good.

The English 2.0 audio is a proficient if unremarkable effort. Again, no complaints - it does it's job without issue.

The main menu page is static but colourful, and graced with the catchy synth score from the main feature.

Although the main film doesn't have a scene-selection menu, it can be negotiated by way of it's own remote-access chapters: there are 15 chapters available .

A static extras menu allows access to the following:

An audio commentary track from 'Blueberry' and Gilbert. Predictably, 'Blueberry' is a fawning pervert whenever Gilbert gets the puppies out. She responds with giggles. In-between the tomfoolery, 'Blueberry' - who sounds a tad like 42nd Street Pete - reverts to Wynorski and happily gets serious for some decent background information, while Gilbert talks about how hot or cold it was while shooting scenes. In it's own way, it's a valid and relatively informative chat.

Next up we have a bonus feature, in the guise of STRIP FOR ACTION. This time, the busty twins are Crystal and Jocelyn Potter - two brunettes who've been caning the sunbeds far too much.

After a montage of scenes from BUSTY TWINS, we meet the Potter twins in a bubble bath where they introduce themselves and present a series of softcore clips from BUSTY TWINS and so on, all based - however loosely - around the theme of stripping. With added sex thrown in, naturally.

Presented in non-anamorphic 1.78:1 and pounding it's dated techno score out in an even 2.0 mix, this is tiresome stuff despite it's modest 53-minute running time.

"A Taste Of Retro" is billed as a naughty vintage peep show. It's actually a 6-minute clip from 42nd Street Pete's BUSTY STAG COLLECTION. Not much here, unless you count Pete's extended intro followed by a short black-and-white loop of a big-bottomed blonde stripping.

Finally, we get a number of trailers from the Secret Key vault. There are a whopping 17 in total, including SEX HEX, SKIN IN THE 60S, NIGHT OF PERVERTED PLEASURES and the delightfully named TOPLESS TAPIOCA WRESTLING. Which sounds far more entertaining than it looks.

If you don't guess the killer's identity within the first ten minutes, then the likelihood is that you are retarded. No offence to retards. But, with a film called BUSTY TWINS, that's hardly the point. You're getting tits, and lots of them. You're getting lengthy softcore sex scenes, and lots of them. Take them out and this 78-minute film would most likely be about 30 minutes long.

Review by Stu Willis


 
Released by Secret Key
Region 1 - NTSC
Not Rated
Extras :
see main review
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