BLOODLUST ZOMBIES

There has been a curious trend developing in the world of schlock horror recently. It seems it is fashionable for Adult film actresses (That’s porno stars in case you are unaware!!) to feature in some frivolous low budget efforts. The legendary Jenna Jameson featured in an enjoyable romp ‘Zombie Strippers’ and ‘Evil Breed’. Then, my all-time favourite and (now sadly retired) Sasha Grey starred alongside Video Nasty King David Hess, in 2009’s ‘Smash Cut’. Piranha 3D trebled the fun when Ashlynn Brooke, Gianna Michaels and Riley Steele all popped off the screen in Alexandre Aja’s underwater romp. The latest young lady to make the quantum leap from big budget porn into low budget horror is a blonde bombshell by the name of Alexis Texas!

Ms Texas’ glittering triple X career to date peaked recently by picking up three coveted AVN awards (Porno’s answer to the Oscars) for ‘Best tease performance’ in "Car Wash Girls" and ‘Best Group Scene’ and ‘Best All Girl Three way Group Scene’ both in "Buttwoman vs Slutwoman". But here she is with those slender hands and designer nails slinking around the long thick shaft…. of an axe handle on the front cover of Dan Lantz’s debut feature, BLOODLUST ZOMBIES!

The story begins in a high security laboratory. Testing of a new drug being developed for the US Military is close to being completed. Domestic cats are being given small doses of VC-42 which transforms them from lovable felines into vicious beasts that literally rip each other to pieces. (Insert ‘pussy’ joke here if you wish!). With testing a success, a deal is struck with the Pentagon that bestows huge monetary rewards on the company’s executives. There is Judy (Janice Marie) who developed the substance; Darren (Adam Danoff who incidentally also edited the movie) the oversexed sales rep and Sandra (Sarah Dewey). But when office assistant Andrea (Texas) is inadvertently broadcast over the offices PA system romping ‘cow girl style’ with Managing Director Bobby Lee (Robert Heath) the lab workers are in such fits of laughter they drop a bit of a clanger. One of the cats exposed to the killer chemical is let out of its cage and attacks and infects a worker. Panic ensues and the building is subject to a security breach and a resulting lock down. The contaminated employee soon attacks another leaving the staff imprisoned with the blood lusting mutants!

The resulting mission means Andrea has to somehow save herself and the others without the deadly virus escaping the building…

I don’t really have a penchant for so called Horror Comedy’s but I have to say I did actually enjoy this little cheapy featuring sex, gore and… erm.. mutants. (Am sure I have heard that trio together somewhere before…)

We will start with the sex: Just because you are one of America’s hottest adult film actresses does not necessarily mean you will be required to get your kit off in your first horror role. Thankfully Lantz ignored this and at around the 8 minute mark, Ms Texas is topless and riding Robert Heath in the scene that kick starts the action. With subtle dialogue such as "Beat me like a bad step child!" it would appear the big-bootied 26 year old sex bomb is not quite in the running to add a real Oscar to her AVN awards! The Gore content is ok but not spectacular unfortunately. The first couple of killings were very promising with necks brutally ripped open courtesy of rampant zombie jaws. The resulting underused ‘severed artery effect’, complete with intermittent spurts painting the wall and victim crimson, was fairly realistic and pointed to a truly blood splattered climax. Unfortunately this was only partially realised in fairness. The frustration was augmented by the fact that Andrea chose to wear full Protective Clothing when chopping her way through the fiends in the final showdown when bra and panties she was wearing in the scene before would surely have sufficed!!

The mutants themselves were only average at best and in truth were probably outdone by the eerie looking lab-cats from the opening frames. (Something about a cat hissing that I find quite unnerving!!) The distorted beings growling and lust for blood was severely hampered by some ill-advised ridiculous walking that would have made a certain Mr Cleese proud!

On the subject of humour, the comedy of the movie was quite slickly delivered and touched on office politics, a sly dig at the US military and of course some good ole fashioned "titty" jokes!

Texas herself did actually display a bit of emotional acting talent in a surreal scene trying to rid her sumptuous body of drying blood, and it would be interesting to watch her in a less comedic vehicle to determine whether she does indeed have a mainstream movie career.

With a cute running time of a mere 75 minutes to accompany the even cuter leading lady, BLOODLUST ZOMBIES is a bit of blood drenched fun featuring sex, gore and mutants. What else could you possible ask for?

Right then, I’m off to Bic the palms of my hands!!

Review by Marc Lissenburg