BACTERIUM

A military helicopter chases a car as it speeds erratically down a country lane, it's driver oozing with slime from every pore as he fails to control the vehicle and crashes. The helicopter lands nearby and two men in protective white clothing and masks emerge from it, advancing cautiously towards the wreck.

The masked men take a sample bottle from the car wreck (which resembles the glowing green re-agent from RE-ANIMATOR) then torch the car and the corpse inside it with flame-throwers. In fact, one of the masked men gets incinerated too - presumably for handling said bottle ...

Then, after some stylish Tarantino-esque retro titles, the action shifts to introduce the main plot's protagonists. These are two young couples who we meet deep in the woods, enjoying an afternoon of paintballing. When one couple goes missing, the others team together to find them - which leads them to a remote farmhouse, which they assume has been placed in a secluded part of the woods as part of their game.

But upon entering the farmhouse the boy is clubbed unconscious and the girl is taken hostage by crazed scientist Boskovic (Chuck McMahon, VAMPIRE LESBIAN KICKBOXERS). The first thing the scientist does to the girl, naturally, is strip her naked.

We soon learn that the couple are captives, along with their friends, of Boskovic - who has holed himself in this remote place to continue his experiments on laboratory rats. After our teenaged heroes overpower Boskovic and demand further answers from him, we discover that he was originally hired by the US military to create a new biological weapon - but his efforts led to him accidentally creating a killer virus, which he is now busy trying to find a cure for.

But the military are armed in the woods outside, searching for Boskovic and primed to shoot anyone who may have become infected with his virus (which pretty much rules out a quick escape for the teens).

Reluctantly, the inhabitants of the farmhouse club together to find a way out of this mess, but much mayhem ensues along the way ... will the military wipe the farmhouse out? Or will its occupants all become infested and kill each other first?

BACTERIUM is very well made trash. Director Brett Piper has shown a flair for filming low budget in previous efforts such as BITE ME! and ARACHNIA, and takes his skills to the next level here. Piper's FX (he creates them himself, as well as being a general all-rounder - producer, writer etc) are satisfyingly camp yet convincingly squishy here, recalling the best low-level B-movie features but in particular bringing to mind THE INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN and THE BLOB remake ... but on a budget! His editing has improved too, making the overall effect more impressive (let's not forget this is a PG-13 rated film either, which has by default dictated some well-applied restraint).

The acting is energetic but uneven throughout, as you'd expect from a Shock-O-Rama production, but the script keeps things afloat with an agreeable moulding of THE CRAZIES and RIGHT AT YOUR DOOR's epidemic panic, the farmhouse claustrophobia of NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD and the "who will be IT next?" paranoia of THE THING or INVASION OF THE BODYSNATCHERS.

Fast-paced, entertaining and chock-full of enjoyably hammy dialogue, BACTERIUM is good fun with its fair share of nudity and splatter, despite the family-friendly rating. It's the best film Piper has put his name to yet, and I look forward to his future projects.

Shock-O-Rama's disc is fair. It offers the film in an attractive 1.78:1 presentation, enhanced for 16x9 TVs. It boasts reasonably sharp and bright images. Colour contrasts are very well balanced.

The English 2.0 audio does its job without problems, offering a solid if unremarkable mix.

Static menus don't include a scene-selection menu, but the film can be navigated through using your remote handset via 10 chapters.

Extras begin with a decent commentary track from Piper and the film's producer, Michael Raso. Piper's a likeable fellow, with plenty of interesting if technical stuff to talk about.

Next is an enjoyable 23-minute Making-Of documentary, which is a good mix of new cast and crew interviews, plus plenty of interesting behind-the-scenes footage.

A 4-minute blooper reel is essentially actors laughing - it's marginally amusing stuff.

Finally we get the usual array of Shock-O-Rama trailers: SKIN CRAWL; CHAINSAW SALLY; SHOCK-O-RAMA; FEEDING THE MASSES.

BACTERIUM isn't going to change your world. But it's fun, in it's own simple, low-budget way. It's a leap forward for Piper in terms of tight storytelling and the decent presentation of cheap, cheesy FX. And the film's been given a good disc from Shock-O-Rama.

Review by Stuart Willis