NAUGHTY NURSES OF THE 1970s

After Hours Cinema's latest set is a double-bill with a medical theme ...

1971's THE NURSES boasts original titles (a rarity for these films) and credits itself as having been directed by ... well, no-one gets the credit actually.

It opens in a hospital's urology department with a muffled conversation between a doctor and his meek patient (who looks more than a little like Jeffrey Dahmer). The doctor needs a semen sample and asks the weirdo to wank into a bottle.

After being reassured that masturbation isn't weird ("don't worry" the doctor tells the fully grown, married adult, "we won't tell your mother"), the man slopes off to a separate room to crack one off.

Happily, our bespectacled creep spies a curtain hiding a hole leading into the next room. Through it, he meets a young brunette nurse who is all too willing to help him muster up some jizz. A handjob later - complete with whimpering noises from the guy - and the bottle isn't filled, but the nurse's breasts are covered in cream.

Back in the common room, our nurse fraternises with a couple of colleagues and we learn that these particular medics are used to sexual advances from their male patients. Or "pests", as the medical term for them appears to be.

The remainder of the film consists of vignettes coupling the nurses with mostly older male patients in crude, spirited hardcore romps. There's nothing greatly adventurous going on, just the usual 70s stuff. But the preparatory dialogue often adds heat to the action, and it's nice to see something filmed back in an age when performers appeared in these films for simple kicks and nothing more.

Once you block out the annoying music, THE NURSES is quite erotic. It's low rent stuff certainly - bare rooms doubling as hospital suites; plain women and gormless men wandering half-asleep through badly lit scenes - but the straightforward sex can't help but put a smile on your face.

SUE PRENTISS RN stems from 1975 and deserves some credit at least for its novel premise.

It opens with footage of several men emerging from a manhole, having ventured into New York's sewers to investigate reports of alligators being down there. An earnest voiceover explains that these men - dressed like members of the Village People - need to be washed and placed in quarantine for risk of contamination. From what? Dunno, I don't think they say.

Anyway, they wind up in quarantine (which looks like a hippy pad). A voice over a speaker tells the men to "remove all clothing". Fortunately for them there are female nurses on hand to assist with this task.

Once naked, the men have their bodies checked over by ultraviolet lights. Quite what this achieves, I'm not sure: but it provides an excuse for some naff PLANET OF THE APES-esque FX, so all is good.

However, as the men are told they're free to go, one of them - Bobby Astyr (THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS; BABYLON PINK; PUNK ROCK etc) - is held back for further tests. Cue some very enthusiastic sucking and fucking.

It soon transpires that the other nurses have taken advantage of the other alligator hunters too, in the next room. A full-on orgy ensues, taking up the rest of this bizarre flick's 60-minute running time.

Injected with some healthy humour and game performances, SUE PRENTISS RN is as sexy as it is odd. Overly loud overdubbing is at times unintentionally hilarious (particularly the slurping noises added to blowjobs), but it never compromises the erotic qualities of this good-natured romp.

If you need further recommendation for this one, then be informed that one of the nurses is none other than the legendary Annie Sprinkle (KNEEL BEFORE ME; NIGHT OF SUBMISSION; THE DEVIL INSIDE HER etc).

Both films are presented in 1.33:1 which, in each case, appears to be the correct aspect ratio. The picture quality is iffy throughout, suffering from vertical lines and grain aplenty. However, as ever with these transfers, the flaws lie in the source material - and After Hours Cinema appear to have done the best with what they had, offering colourful and bright representations beneath the unavoidable print damage.

English mono audio is inconsistent through both features, being mainly clear but occasionally suffering from drop-out or background noise. Again, these are issues that are inherent with this lineage of film. And, truth be told, they're not a major issue.

Although there are no scene-selection menus on the disc, each film has its own remote chapters. NURSES has 14 chapters; SUE has 12 chapters.

The only extras on the disc are trailers for KINK-O-RAMA, SEX PSYCHEDELIA COLLECTION, VIRGIN NYMPH COLLECTION, SLUTTY STEWARDESSES and EXTREME SLEAZE 2 COLLECTION.

More enjoyable trash from the hard-working perverts at After Hours Cinema.

Review by Stuart Willis