MERIDIAN

(A.k.a. PHANTOMS; KISS OF THE BEAST)

Gina (Charlie Spradling – billed in the credits simply as ‘Charlie’) is an art student working in Italy on the restoration of old paintings for "the Church". When a priest asks her to restore a 15th Century painting over the weekend, she is forced to take on the job – even though she already has plans.

You see, her best pal Catherine (Sherilyn Fenn) is back in the country after a ten-year absence, having just inherited her dad’s castle and reuniting with his elderly maid Martha (Hilary Mason).

Later that day, Gina and Catherine are delighted to see each other and go for a walk around the castle’s grounds. Upon doing so, they stumble across a travelling circus sideshow. They watch the entertainment (strongmen, fire-eaters, dwarves who field crossbow arrows to their chest) for a short while before Gina volunteers to take part in the knife-throwing act.

Impressed, the girls later invite the circus performers to party with them at Catherine’s castle. And that’s when thing start to go tits up – in more ways than one.

Following a boisterous dinner, our two brunette hotties are drugged by the dubious troupe (great acting here, ho ho) and duly stripped for action …

Throw in Catherine’s visions of a woman being stabbed in the castle, Martha’s revelations that a 15th Century curse lingers over the girl’s family (hang on – doesn’t the mysterious painting that Gina’s working on also hail from that era?!) and a man who turns into a beast whenever he’s aroused … and the scene is set for an almighty clutter of clumsily realised ideas and genre-hopping.

Charles Band has produced well over 250 films through the last four decades, primarily under the banners of either his Empire Pictures or Full Moon Entertainment companies. MERIDIAN is a 1990 effort that was released through this latter channel, and has the distinction of also being directed by Band.

Band is less prolific as a director, but his canon of work includes 80s also-rans such as THE ALCHEMIST, PARASITE and the curiously popular TRANCERS. Latter-day directorial efforts include titles like THE GINGERDEAD MAN and EVIL BONG: he may have 36 titles under his belt in the director’s chair, but his body of work is one to tiptoe furtively around.

Somewhere in the middle of his own filmmaking plight is MERIDIAN, an odd and oddly compelling mess of a film. It was shot on location in Lazio, Italy and - at the very least - often looks handsome as a consequence.

But even with the scenic landscapes and impressive decaying architecture as its backdrop, there’s no denying MERIDIAN’s low-budget look and feel.

Colour-filtered lighting lends the film a cheap 80s aesthetic, while Pino Donaggio’s electronic score further steeps proceedings in the wash of that decade’s straight-to-video genre output. None of which is necessarily off-putting, if the film in question still delivers in terms of schlock and exploitation.

But, whereas someone like Stuart Gordon can take these trappings and inject them with a mixture of sophisticated theatricality, twisted humour and zealous excesses, turning the mundane into something quite extraordinary, Band’s talents are limited in comparison.

As breathlessly enjoyable as the opening titles sequence is, as satisfyingly smarmy as Malcolm Jamieson gets in his dual role of circus seducer and hooded enigma, and as entertainingly hammy as the proceeding screenplay (from Dennis Paoli, based on the director’s story) can be, Band can’t sustain pace and only sporadically musters a level of style that compensates for the inconsistent energy in his direction. The first 30 minutes promise something wonderfully trashy, but then the momentum is lost due to terrible dialogue and a break from plot every now and then for the sex scenes.

Greg Cannom provides the FX work. It’s not his finest hour either, but the special effects are neither worth berating or celebrating. The creature looks too much like that in the 1990’s TV version of "Beauty and the Beast" for horror fans to take seriously; it’s not a good look.

All in all, and as sexist as it seems to suggest this, the biggest draw here is the prospect of the two lead actresses getting their norks out. Even then, the softcore scenes of erotica are very dated in their ‘Red Shoe Diaries’ fashion – they’re more likely to elicit giggles than wanking in this day and age.

MERIDIAN comes to UK DVD in its full uncut version courtesy of the fine folk at 88 Films. Their transfer is presented in 1.33:1 and is sourced from a largely clean, albeit a tad soft, print. Colours and blacks fare well, and warm flesh-tones ensure the film’s highlights look as appealing as they should. The transfer here is superior to the one we got with the film’s last British DVD release, through Prism Leisure: it’s sharper, brighter and exhibits more detail.

English 2.0 stereo audio offers a fair playback throughout. Dialogue and score are evenly balanced in this mix, avoiding the necessity of fannying about with your volume settings.

The animated main menu page leads into a static scene-selection menu allowing access to the film via 16 chapters.

Extras are mostly the same as those proffered by the aforementioned Prism release:

A five-minute featurette from the archives takes an on-set look at the making of the film. Should you wish to learn more about how a film of such genius was shot … Anyway, it makes for a decent if brisk insight into the production of this "spooky, sexy and sinister piece" (in the laughably earnest narrator’s words).

The film’s original trailer runs for 102 seconds and is window-boxed like the main feature.

We also get trailers for SORORITY BABES IN THE SLIMEBALL BOWL-A-RAMA, PUPPET MASTER, THE DEAD WANT WOMEN, GINGERDEAD MAN 2, TOURIST TRAP, KILLER EYE: HALLOWEEN HAUNT, THE PIT AND THE PENDULUM, SKULL HEADS, CASTLE FREAK and CANNIBAL WOMEN IN THE AVOCADO JUNGLE OF DEATH.

MERIDIAN is shit, then, but shit that comes with an undeniable degree of perverse watchability. Call it a guilty pleasure if you will, but Band’s film – a blend of "Beauty and the Beast" Gothic and cheap erotic horror - is tripe of a peculiarly beguiling variety.

Review by Stuart Willis