6 PLOTS

(A.k.a. SIX GRAVES)

Oak Bay High. It’s one of those dreadful Australian high schools that you see in cancerous television series. Focusing on the senior year’s students, it seems that every one of them is attractive and infected with an attitude that drives them to bitchiness, speed-talking and the desire to party.

At the end of term, a particularly cocky group of these teens put the word out that they’re staging a party at a luxury beach house. Not just any old beach house though – it’s the secluded one that was formerly shut down following some violent tragedy a couple of years earlier.

No matter. Perennial prankster and techno-whiz Marty (Ryan Corr) organises the shindig and promises to broadcast it live via webcam. The rest of his pals – including obligatory surf-type druggie Stu (Damien Harrison), brooding Kyle (Joey Coley-Sowry), pithy blonde Jules (Penelope Mitchell), cute Tess (Emily Wheaton) and the-one-I-can’t-recall Amy (Eliza Taylor) – just have to turn up with their booze. Oh, and there’s also Brie (Alice Darling). Mild-mannered, easy-going Brie. Best not forget about her.

The night proceeds with this group of faceless fucks attempting to approximate outrageousness by way of drinking, making out, eating pizza without plates, stripping to their underwear and jumping into the pool, and dancing to nondescript pop-rock.

A few hours later, however, Brie wakes up on the kitchen floor in a groggy state. Everyone else appears to have vanished. Then she receives a message on her mobile ‘phone: a creepy smiley face cackles at her. She assumes her mates are playing a prank on her.

But, no. "The fate of your friends is in your hands, Brie", continues the smiley face in a voice not unlike BLOOD FEAST’s Fuad Ramses as images of Marty and the others comatose in coffins appear on her ‘phone screen. As each one awakes, they start to panic as they realise they are being buried alive. The smiley face appears on each of their ‘phones too, as well as Brie’s, telling them all that they must indulge in a game to stay alive. There are only two rules – no contacting parents; no contacting the authorities.

This leaves Brie and her buddies with the option of communicating with each other, when batteries and signals allow, through their mobile devices. I’m not sure what the game is as such: it appears to involve the others describing their environment to Brie while she wonders what the fuck she should do next.

Meanwhile, it transpires that their travails are being broadcast online. Which makes for especially interesting viewing for others when the rules are broken and ol’ smiley face decides that people must start dying.

Strewth. In the world of high concept filmmaking, the late Don Simpson would’ve no doubt salivated at the pitch this film shamelessly suggests: "Home and Away" meets SAW without gore. If he could’ve got the piss-awful Tom Cruise to star in it, that is.

Instead, director Leigh Sheehan has to rely on people who’ve made fleeting appearances in dreck like "Neighbours", and reality TV wannabes. Although it pains me to say it, 83 minutes of Cruise would’ve been preferable to this lot. Cunts.

Token lines of dialogue include the likes of "The things you can do with an open source code and You Tube", "why the fuck would they cover me in petrol" and "geek is the new chic". They veer between the painfully signposted and sub-standard HEATHERS witticisms. The cattiness never works because Tim C Patterson’s script is never acerbic enough, and the young cast are too gormless to know the difference between venom and pantomime.

Admittedly, at a time when all other horror films seem obsessed with going retro, it’s rather novel to see one that utilises modern cultural pointers such as Facebook, Skype and smartphone technology as plot advancements. But, as you’ve probably surmised, that’s me clutching at straws in a bid to find something positive to say about the storyline of this film.

The film has a slick look and feel, granted. And its pacing is tough to fault. But the whole thing is derivative, tepid and, dare I say it, twee. This is destined to be a 9pm film on Channel 5.

Matchbox Films bring 6 PLOTS to UK DVD fully uncut in an anamorphic presentation of its original 1.78:1 aspect ratio. The picture is sharp, bright and clean at all times.

English 2.0 audio is also clear for the duration, offering a fine balance between dialogue, sound effects and the dreary commercial pop tunes on the soundtrack. It’s a shame subtitles weren’t provided, as some of the snappy Australian chatter had me rewinding to concentrate harder on what was being said.

The disc opens to a static main menu page. This leads into a static scene-selection menu, proffering access to 6 PLOTS via 12 chapters.

The only extra on the disc is the film’s original trailer. This is 2 minutes long, 16x9 enhanced and as dull as you’d probably by now expect.

6 PLOTS is a misfire, then. But it looks good on Matchbox Films’ DVD and I’ve got to respect them for giving such fare a chance.

Review by Stuart Willis